Meme Time Is Here

Since Mikey decided to tag me with this meme (a week ago), I suppose I have to post something now. The meme is simple, list 5 things about myself that you don't know. The problem I have is what am I willing to tell you that I haven't already? I guess we'll find out.

1. When I was in grad school, there were several occasions where I spent a good bit of time in a dark room to expose and develop x-ray film for Southern blots. It turns out that if you leave all alone in a pitch black room for a while, my mind starts deciding all sorts of things. Things like that there was another person in the room and if I was still enough and listened closely I could here them, or that there was a crazy killer rampaging through the halls killing everyone else and he wouldn't find me as long as I didn't make any noise. I never believed these things, they were just thoughts that popped into my head for a moment before being pushed out by logic, but I take them as evidence that my mind is broken and shouldn't be allowed too much time on its own. (As an aside, I found out after working in the dark for a while one day that if you pull out one of the cardboard spacers that are between the pieces of x-ray film and try to expose and develop it, it doesn't work too well.)

2. When I was young, I hated school so much that I would often play sick so that I could stay home. I refused to lie about how sick I was, so I would occasionally gag myself with my finger so that I would throw up and then I could say that I had thrown up and not have to lie. You have to love that logic: I won't lie and say I threw up when I didn't, but it's perfectly ok to ignore the fact that it was self-induced.

3. If I'm not good at something, I tend to try to be funny instead. For example, observe these Christmas cookies from 2001. I can make the cookies just fine, but when it comes time to decorate them, my attempts at nice looking cookies end up looking like 3rd grade art projects (I apologize to any third graders who are offended by being compared to me.), so I decided to be humorous. That's how I end up with stocking cookies turned into gold-toe dress socks,



and gingerbread men in prison jumpsuits



or gingerbread men wearing wife-beaters (complete with tattoos).



I figure that if I'm goofy enough no one will be paying attention to the fact that I'm not very good.

4. I don't write this blog to become popular (which is good, because I'd be a complete failure), but when I see year end blog awards, I kind of wish I could have as many people interested in what I have to say as they do.

5. I have a tendency to get songs stuck in my head, like just about everyone else. The main difference is that when a song is stuck in my head I tend to sing it to the dogs, complete with new, dog-centric lyrics. Sure the lyrics are repetitive and I'm a complete dope, but how many of your pets have songs about them? That's what I thought.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to baking Christmas cookies. (What? Have I not told you that I'm always running late? I guess I should have made that #6.)

Trivial Tuesday

Sadly, the world has lost legendary animator Joseph Barbera, of Hanna-Barbera fame. His first collaboration with William Hanna was on a short called "Puss Gets the Boot." This was actually the first Tom and Jerry cartoon; however, those were not their original names. What less famous monikers did the cat and mouse first have?

Last Minute Shopping Tips

I'm short on time, but long on advice today. I've got other posts bouncing around in my head, but things are too rushed to deal with most of them just yet. (The best part¹ of that is that the reason I'm busy has less to do with holiday preparation than with work items that fall under "must be completed by the end of the month" or "by the end of the year", both of which are the same thing now.)

As you rush out to do all of your shopping (because I'm sure that you, like me, have been procrastinating and will find yourself paying $700 in shipping to send a toy that cost $15.95 and make sure it is there by Christmas) remind yourself of the O. Henry story, "The Gift of the Magi." For those of you who have forgotten², the story deals with a couple for whom money is scarce, but who wish to show their love through presents. Jim sells his watch to buy combs for Della's hair, and Della sells her hair to buy a chain for Jim's watch. Each gives up something they value greatly to buy something the other will cherish.

There are a few things to be gleaned from this story that will help you shop:

• When shopping, try to stay within your means. The memory of Christmas will fade fast when the bills come due in January.
• Don't sacrifice something everyone knows you love to buy presents. You never know when you might be getting that great accessory you've been eyeing.
• Finally, take the time to make sure what you are buying is something the person actually wants or needs. Selling your watch to buy combs for someone who cut off her hair to buy you a watch chain just leads to that awkward moment when you both realize you were left with nothing but worthless junk and your unselfish love for each other. Like anyone really needs that.

^1. And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible.
^2. I refuse to post a spoiler warning for a story from the 19th Century. If I just ruined the story for you, don't blame me, blame your Junior High English teacher for not making you read it like the rest of us.

LA Face with the North Pole Booty?

With incredible apologies to Sir Mix-a-lot and pretty much anyone who reads this, I give you this year's holiday poetry:


I want new toys and I cannot lie,
You other kiddies can't deny,
That when Claus walks in with his big ol' jiggly waist,
And that white beard on his face,
You act good,
Wanna be all nice,
Cause you know he checks that list twice,
Mixed in with toys he's carryin',
Is coal but I'm just not carin',
Hey Santa, I wanna sit with ya,
And take our picture,
My mommy tried to warn me,
That those toys you've got,
(Are for good boys only,)
No Cabbage Patch Kids,
But a Wii to play with my friends,
Well check me, check me, the nice list is where you'd expect me,

So gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme lots of toys,
Santa's Toy Sack

Holiday Writing Contest

After my earlier post about seeing dolphin Christmas decorations, I realized a couple of things. (1) The Christmas dolphin needs a name, and (2) it needs a good story.

A name, I can come up with. I've settled on Boto, the Christmas Dolphin. A story on the other hand...that takes a little more effort. Rather than exerting all that effort myself, I thought perhaps I would turn to the resources that provided such good fiction in the past. That's right, I'm asking all of you to give me a story for Boto the Christmas Dolphin. The contest will work much like the one held last year: You send me your stories here. I will post them and then ask everyone to vote for them.

For more information, check out this site.

Assuming we get plenty of entries, this should be lots of fun. If I don't get enough entries...well, I'll never speak to you again.

By the way, bonus points for anyone who knows where the dolphin's name came from.

Update: Ok, since I didn't nag all of you enough and I didn't get many entries, I'm making this a sticky entry and extending the deadline until Friday December 15th. That's an extra week. Please don't make me decide that I hate you all.

Trivial Tuesday

This actor certainly seems to be involved in all sorts of tragedy. In the 90's he was in a television show in which he and his siblings had to deal with life without their parents who had died in a car accident. Later, he took a role on another show where he survived a tragic plane crash. Now he stars in an upcoming movie where he plays an assistant coach at a university that lost its football team in a plane crash.

Who is this actor and what are the shows/movie I am referring to?

Congrats to Itchy who got the actor and all of the shows. Brag to all your friends, because it's your right for a week.

The Lost Room

Did anybody else see The Lost Room on SciFi last night? It was the first part of a 3 part mini-series. It was crazy. The plot really wouldn't even make a lot of sense if I tried to explain it to you. It would just sound like a bunch of nonsense, but in the show it seemed, if not logical, at least possible. I wish that it was not on 2 hours at a time, because I don't usually stay up watching TV until 11. However, I am glad that it's a not a full series so that I am strung along only for a few days rather than a few years.

Anyway, if you didn't see it, it might be worth firing up the TiVo and finding a repeat of the first part to give this one a shot.

I Don't Really Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

As is often the case at this time of year, Christmas music is everywhere. Much of the music is wonderful, but there are some things that I just don't get. Then there are others that should be completely banned.

In the "don't get it" category is Manheim Steamroller. Nothing but instrumental versions of traditional Christmas songs sped up and enhanced with synthesizers. Somehow this comes across as more annoying to me than enjoyable. It's seems to be the equivalent of listening to all your music as old midi files or low quality ringtones.

On a more extreme note, I cannot find a good reason that the Cyndi Lauper version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" should ever be played again.

The most peculiar thing about the music this season is that I've had "Good King Wenceslaus" stuck in my head for days. I'm not sure where I heard it, and I'm not even too sure I have the words right. The version in my head goes something like this: "La la Wenceslaus la la, La la la la Cleveland. La la Wenceslaus la la, La la Chris van Even." After that it pretty much breaks down into a scene of Tom Hanks being frightened by Dan Aykroyd's driving as they go to rescue the virgin Connie Swail, but that part's probably just me.

Time for Change

I'm finally able to switch over to Blogger Beta. So, if anything goes wrong and I disappear...sorry.

Rockin' Around The Christmas Meme

This was emailed to me by a coworker, and I figured that it would make a nice meme for the blog. So here you go, 18 questions to help us get to know each other around Christmas.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Yes, of course.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? In my family Santa didn't wrap presents, he just put ribbons on them to indicate which of the three kids the presents were for.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? When I was growing up, colored and preferably blinking. Now, white.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Whatever time is convenient after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert): Take your pick: Turkey, Stuffing/Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, pretty much everything.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Waking up to find the presents Santa had placed my color of ribbon on, and then sitting around and watching as everyone takes turns opening gifts.

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? One gift only, but only for the kids. Fortunately, I haven't matured enough to not qualify as a kid anymore.

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? We jokingly call our tree the Hanukkah tree because we decorate it with silver and blue ornaments and white lights.

10. Snow! Love it or Dread it? On Christmas? Sure why not. The rest of the time...I could probably do without it.

11. Can you ice skate? No, but I can fall quite well.

12. Do you remember your favorite gift as a child? Hmm...this is probably a toss up between a Nintendo and a Chemistry set, or maybe that Star Wars transport vehicle...Hmm, video games, Star Wars and science, I started as a nerd pretty early.

13. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? It's all about family...and food.

14. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Ok, this is hard. I don't think I can choose between pumpkin and pecan pie.

15. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Whenever it is time to give out gifts, the young kids get to "play Santa" and distribute all the packages. They always have as much fun being the one to hand gifts to people as they do opening gifts...ok, almost as much.

16. What tops your tree? Santa, who looks more comfortable than he should considering how that tree branch is holding him up.

17. What is your favorite Christmas Song? The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole

18. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum: As long as it's a peppermint one.

Now it's your turn.

Trivial Tuesday

Long ago, before she was a cheerleader who needed to be saved in order to save the world, she was a princess in a movie that was a version of the Seven Samurai...or was it a version of the Three Amigos? I'm talking, of course, about Hayden Panettiere. But what was that movie and who did she play?

Hmm...no one has even guessed yet. Perhaps I should give a hint by clarifying that she was the voice of a princess in that movie, since it was an animated film.

Ok, there's been a request for more hints. Should I say that other voices in the film were provided by Denis Leary, a member of the Kids in the Hall, and Kevin Spacey? If that's not enough, maybe I should make it really easy and say that in that movie she had a conversation where she held a rock and said, "Pretend it's a seed."

Like Deja Vu All Over Again

It was time for an annual check up with the doctor once more, and while I don't typically rerun things I wrote in the past, I figured I might as well in this case. Since my appointment went just about the same as the one from a year ago. Here is a reprint of the transcript from my last visit to her office in September of 2005.

The following is a transcript of my discussion with the physician.

Doc: "So, how's it been going fatty?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Doc: "I said 'How's it going, fatty?' What's wrong? Is the fat clogging your ears too?"

Me: "No I-"

Doc: "Fine. Whatever. How are you doing on your medicines?"

Me: "Good. Everything's good. They work very well and..."

Doc: "Look at that!" Pokes stomach "What's going on here?"

Me: "What? I'm sorry. I know I've gained some weight, but can't you just ease up a little?"

Doc: "How about if you ease up on the Big Macs, tubby."

Me: "Look, I understand I need to lose weight. I just want to get my medicine refilled."

Doc: "Fine. Here's your prescription. Just get out of here. I want to see less of you around here, and I don't mean I want to see you less often."

Me: Runs out sobbing like a little girl.

Rumors...Demise...Greatly Exaggerated...Blah, Blah, Blah

I know, I know. I haven't been around in a while. I was out of town. I came back. I was out of town again. I got back and our internet service wasn't working. In the times when I was here and did have service, I couldn't busy dealing with preparing for and recovering from the repeated road trips. Besides, I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. Some highlights of the time I was away:

• Took two road trips in our new car: (Have I shown you a picture of our car? I haven't, have I? I'll have to find one and post it.) One trip was long, but not awful, the other was way too long (we're talking distance driven, here, not length of time we stayed anywhere.) After a drive down to Alabama and back and then a drive to Wisconsin and back, our car which had 3 miles on it when we got it a month ago now has about 2800 miles on it.
• Got to visit with all sorts of family: We saw my parents, my grandparents, my sister, brother-in-law and three nephews. Plus we got to see my uncle, aunt and two cousins, none of whom I had seen in the past five plus years.
• Went to see my 8 year old nephew play basketball.
• Played some Nerf football and various GameCube games with my nephews: I'm not young enough to compete with them in either of these.
• Ate lots of good food: In addition to the typical Thanksgiving day food, we had barbecue pork and hushpuppies from Greenbrier while in Alabama and Carl's Pizza while in Wisconsin.
• Went to see Casino Royale.
• Read The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood.
• Finished watching season 2.0 of Battlestar Galactica and started season 2.5: One of these days, I'll actually catch up.
• Changed my main ringtone on my cellphone for the holidays: It now plays Christmas in Hollis. This makes me laugh everytime it rings.
• Raced a winter storm from Wisconsin back home: They got a blizzard and we ended up with an ice storm.
• I'm sure there was other stuff, but that's all I can remember right now.

Ok, that's what's been going on with me, how about you?

New Theater & Happy Feet

Friday after work, we decided to go to downtown Kalamazoo and check out the new movie theater that was opening. Unlike the other theaters around town that are in various strip malls, this one just pops up in the middle of downtown, right next to a parking garage. Actually, that's a point in its favor right there. Rather than a parking lot where during the winter, I would come out and have to clean the car of snow that has accumulated during the movie (this always seems to happen more when Melissa's sister visits), we can park in an enclosed garage (but not pay because the theater validates parking).

The screens and auditoriums were huge in relation to the others in town. The theater we were in held around 450 people, and since we were a bit early, I can even tell you that there were 36 stairs from the screen level to the top of last row of stadium seating. If you didn't want to walk that many stairs, no need to worry, there was also an elevator.

The seats were rockers and comfortable, though not made of memory foam. The concession stand even had Coke Zero on tap, giving it a huge mark in the "plus" column.

Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of the exterior, so you'll have to settle for bad cameraphone pics from inside. (as you can see, we were a little early)

From the top row to the screen

From the screen, up.

End credits, complete with dancing penguins, as seen from our seats.

What about the movie itself? We went to see Happy Feet. The animation was impressive, and it looked good in general. The dancing penguins were cute, as one might expect, and since it was a kids' movie and had voiceover from Robin Williams, it had plenty of humor. The story dragged a bit in parts and was more than a little preachy in its moral(s), even for a childrens' movie. The voiceover cast was somewhat odd, with Nicole Kidman doing an annoying Marilyn Monroe impression, and Hugh Jackman doing a less-annoying Elvis impression as the mother and father of the hero. I'd have to give it 3 out of five stars. I liked it, but certainly didn't love it, because it felt an awful lot longer than 90 minutes.

I have one nagging question left from the movie: There were three types of penguins in the movie, Emperor Penguins, Adelie Penguins and a lone Rockhopper. Why is it that when they did voiceovers, the Adelie Penguins were Puerto Rican?

Our New Neighbors Do Have Two Pigs, Though

We've been in our new house for a little over a year now, and I'm very glad we moved. There are tons of advantages. We now live only minutes away from both our workplaces. We can easily go home for lunch if we want. We are no longer renting and no longer having to deal with a poorly set up septic system. Our neighbors are much less likely to be seen standing outside poking a fire in a 50 gallon drum with a stick. However there are some things I occasionally miss about the old house. Like the view in the backyard.

Credit for both photos goes entirely to Melissa, I'm just posting them.

Edited to resize pics.

Trivial Tuesday

While there seem to be no end to the versions of board games on toy store shelves, one game seems to be able to outlast them all. This game can trace its history back to a game called The Landlords Game, the first patented game with a circular rather than linear gameboard. What is this long lived game?

Nothing Says Christmas Like...

Have you started your Christmas decorating yet? If you need more ideas, I would like to suggest some lovely acrylic-wrapped light sculpture decorations we saw for sale in the mall recently. I don't know about you, but when I think of Christmas, I think of dolphins...and cows...and seals.

Missile Command

Is it wrong that I really want to buy this?

Before you answer, think of the uses:

At home, I could keep it at my computer and if the dogs want to play, I don't even have to look up, just launch a dart and tell them fetch.

Or I could take it to work and have it my office. It will come in handy when that annoying coworker comes into the office and never stops talking (Come on, you know what I'm talking about. You've got one in your office too. Unless, you are that person in your office.) If they won't shut up and leave, all it takes is a few clicks of the mouse and missiles are being launched at their head. You can even make a game out of it and try to see if you can get a dart to go through the flapping gums.

Unfortunately, the more realistic side of me keeps saying that the net results of these suggested uses would be a choking dog and a visit with HR, but you can't blame me for dreaming.

Trivial Tuesday

Today's category: Advertising Jingles (not necessarily real)

Since I've had the song stuck in my head for what feels like forever...What truck was featured in ads that claimed that it "smells like a steak, and seats 35." in addition to being "twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty five tons of American pride"?

Overheard Over Dinner

We went to a Chinese restaurant recently and the way too adorable 5 year old daughter of the owners was wandering around the dining area talking to customers. A few things that were said while we were there:

Child: "What's your name?"
Customer: "Leigh"
Child: "No, I have to guess it. Tell me the first letter."
Customer: "L"
Child: "Leigh?"

Child: "What's he first letter of your husband's name?"
Customer: "I'm not waiting for my husband. I'm waiting for my son."
Child: "But I have to guess your husband's name."
Customer: "I don't have a husband anymore. I'm divorced."
*Customer's son arrives*
Child: "You don't have a daddy."

This went on for most of the time we were there. My favorite exchange of the evening was between the little girl and an older couple. The man, who was not exactly small, had apparently eaten more of his dinner than she thought appropriate.

Child: "Aren't you full yet?"
Customer: "No."
Child: "It looks like you have a baby in your belly."

Trivial Tuesday

It's Halloween, and time for a few holiday traditions. Trick-or-treating as we know from The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror VIII, originated during 17th century witch trials when the witch sisters, Marge, Patty and Selma went door to door eating children until Maude Flanders offered them gingerbread children as an alternative. From then on, every house they went to offered them treats in exchange for not eating their kids.

Bobbing for apples, on the other hand is a tradition that dates back far before the first trick-or-treaters cut holes in bedsheets to pretend to be ghosts. With the early bobbing for apples, something was to happen to the first person who managed to retrieve an apple. What was this fiendish, frightening thing happened to the person who won the game that has become a Halloween tradition?

Halloween Tricks and Treats

Like movies? Like brainteasers? Like wasting time? Good. Here is a perfect site for you. It's actually a dark chocolate M&Ms page, but advertising or not, it's fun.

There are 50 different "dark" (i.e. horror, thriller, etc.) movie titles hidden in the picture on the site. Each one is represented by a visual riddle and it's up to you to find them and figure them out.

What happens if you get all 50? I don't know. I'm stuck at 42 45 48.

Go on play it. It's fun.

If Jimmy Cracks Corn and No One Cares, Why Does He Bother?

Ok, I haven't had a tremendous amount of time to write, so you'll get nothing and like it.

In case you need more proof that my mind is a little warped, here's a story from work yesterday. I was talking to a few of my coworkers and we got onto the subject of Randy Johnson hitting a bird with a baseball back in 2001. (Don't ask how we got to that subject. Like most conversations with me, it traveled from one subject to another to another in a seemingly random fashion. Those of you who know me well, know exactly what I mean.) Anyway, as I was walking along later during the day, I realized that I was whistling as I walked. I stopped for a moment and then it occurred to me that I was whistling "When Doves Cry." Yeah, even my subconscious has a sick sense of humor.

Two more completely random things.

Related to the post earlier this week, where I mentioned that I believe certain things should only happen at certain times: Yesterday I went to pick up lunch at Jimmy Johns and saw that the signs for the mall already have gigantic Christmas bows on them. I can't tell you how much that bothered me. I realize that they want people to start Christmas shopping soon, but surely someone at some point said, "You know, we may want to wait to put Christmas decorations up until after the Halloween decorations come down."

I'm starting to get a little concerned that I may be crazy. Like, put me in a straight jacket and take me to an institution crazy. When someone (even if it's me) says something, I feel the urge to say it again with a couple of the words transposed. For example if it's time to put the Chewie in his crate, Melissa might say "Chew, Go to bed." I will then have the urge to reply "Bed, Go to Chew." I can usually resist enough that I don't say these things out loud, but I still have to think it. So, tell me, am I nuts?

Trivial Tuesday

Certain species of whales are typically filter feeders despite their size. The filtering of large amounts of water is made possible by the large comb-like plates in the mouth of the whale. What is this filtering apparatus called?

Apropos of Nothing

I had an all-day training session yesterday. We have to do this thing once a year, and I'm pretty sure it actually gets worse every year. This year, we changed venues to a smaller auditorium. However, we could still fit the same number of people in, because the seats were half the size. Even the people who weren't as fat as me had a hard time wedging themselves into these seats.

We got to sit in these too-small seats while enjoying a movie that we had apparently put together ourselves (we, meaning people who worked at our site). I can honestly say that it was the worst movie I've ever seen...and I've seen Spice World and The Master of Disguise.

On other work-related subjects, we often have people telling us what to do if there is any sort of chemical spill at work and explaining what constitutes a "reportable" spill. They give us guidelines like X amount of liquid or Y amount of any solid. I pride myself on not laughing (out loud at least) when they say that any release of gas into the environment, outside or in a building, must be reported. I bet they hate it when people go to Taco Bell for lunch. The phone must be ringing off the hook.

It snowed again last night. I know I'm picky, but I like for things to be a certain way and to be done at certain times. I have a specific set of rules when it comes to the Fall/Winter holiday season. You can't decorate for Thanksgiving until after Halloween (unless your Canadian, but that's because the celebrate things backwards), you can't play Christmas music any earlier than the week of Thanksgiving, and you can't have snow until at least November.

Save the cheerleader. Save the world.

I first heard about Pandora from Invisible Lizard, but I didn't look at it right away. Once I started listening, I realized that I love this thing. Unlike many streaming music services that will recommend or play music based on comparing what you like with what other people like, it actually compares the features of the music you like to features of other songs. What does this mean? Instead of hearing what other people might recommend, you hear things that have a sound similar to what you like. I realize that this makes the music player smarter than me, but I'm ok with that...as long as it doesn't try to take my job.

If everything goes the way it's supposed to, we'll have a new car on Friday.

Finally: Via Melissa's blog, and through the magic of YouTube, I present evidence that Chewie has gotten huge, but that he just refuses to learn from experience.

Empty Headed Ramblings

Before we start, a warning. Only random thoughts on random things lie ahead. Those looking for a coherent post should look elsewhere.

A Red Robin restaurant opened up near us not too long ago and we've gone there a few times to eat. Recently, I discovered that one of the appetizers they serve is a gigantic plate of chili-cheese fries. Simply calling them chili-cheese fries is misleading though. It is a massive pile of fries topped with chili, at least two types of cheese, jalapeño slices and bacon. I love these things, but I have to admit that I'm curious as to whether they could take the entire mass, batter it and drop it in the deep fryer. That's gotta make it even better right?

In related news, my heart hurts.¹

I found out recently that stonewashed jeans aren't typically stone washed anymore. The original process involved tossing the fabric in with some pumice but was apparently not cheap, environmentally friendly or all that nice to the fabric. A newer process uses various molds like Trichoderma to essentially eat a little bit of the cotton and give the jeans the color and texture of being already "broken in." Now, this may show why I'm a scientist and not a marketing executive, but shouldn't you stop calling them "stonewashed" when you remove the stones from the process? Maybe fungal-digested denim doesn't have as nice of a ring to it. If it were up to me, I'd be bragging about the things and marketing them with names like Levi's 501 Fungipants. Can you honestly tell me that wouldn't be a big seller?

Heard on Jericho last night: "The internet was created by the military. It was made to withstand nuclear war." Ok, so if the internet was invented by the military² and designed to withstand nuclear war, why is it that I can't get online if there are 10 mph winds?

I was looking through some of the unfinished posts I have and realized that I have a draft in my Blogger account from March. If I've waited this long to finish it, should I just go ahead and delete it now? I feel like that would be giving up, but at the same time I'm not sure how good the idea for a post was, so I might not ever finish it either.

Every once in a while, I like to do a google search using my name to see what comes up. I have an uncommon last name, so pretty much anything that comes up actually involves me. It's essentially the same four or so things every time, but I go back and check to see if there is anything new. First of all, is that weird? Second, why isn't there a good term for googling ones self. This will be my new quest: to come up with a name that can be used in regular, polite conversation for this process.

That's all I've got for you folks. My head is as empty as that Jack O' Lantern you scooped out in preparation for Halloween.

¹ I don't have to tell you guys it's a joke, right?³ I mean, it should be obvious that if I'm actually dying, I wouldn't sit around blogging about it instead of calling 911⁴.

² Aren't you impressed how I sidestepped that Al Gore joke masquerading as a dead horse.

³ It's also a line from the Simpsons. We see Homer sitting at a table with Bart telling him that "as long as you live in my house, you live by my rules. Now butter your bacon." Bart puts butter on his bacon and eats it. "But Dad, my heart hurts." "Bacon up that sausage, boy!" Bart wraps bacon around his sausage link and eats it. (This isn't a perfect version of the scene, but you get the point.)

⁴ Get, get up. Get, get down. 911 is a joke in your town⁵.

⁵ Not really, I just felt like using the lyrics to that song. Then again it might be for all I know. I don't know your town. It could have a perfectly wonderful 911 system or it could be a joke.

Trivial Tuesday

As I have briefly mentioned on this site before, I am a fan of college football. The traditions, the rivalries. I love it all. There are a lot of good rivalries in college football, including some with catchy names. Oregon and Oregon State play in the Civil War each year. Alabama and Auburn meet annually in the Iron Bowl. Two teams that are separated by only 70 miles, play in a rivalry that is known simply as Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. What are these two universities?

Perhaps More Aptly Named "Baby A Little Too Alive"

I saw a commercial for the new version of Baby Alive about a month ago during Saturday morning cartoons (leave me alone, it was early and College Gameday wasn't on yet). Since then I've been searching YouTube for the ad, but without much luck. The reason I've been looking for it is that I actually had to ask Melissa later if I had dreamed it, because I couldn't believe someone really made the doll and then advertised it on TV.

The commercial describes the doll as realistic and talks about the things she can do. She talks to you and tells you when she wants to play or nap. She even eats some sort of disgusting pretend baby food and then informs you that it's time to change here diaper by saying, "Uh oh, I made a stinky." They then showed a child changing the doll's diaper which now had what can, if we're being honest, only be described as a skid mark in it, because the pseudo-food had passed all the way through the doll and into its diaper. Hopefully, you see now why I wasn't so sure that this was real.

As if to confirm that I am not insane and imagining that we are currently marketing defecating dolls to children, we came across a display of these dolls in the store a few days ago. Fortunately, we had the cameraphone with us to capture proof.

First, Baby Alive herself.

Now, a closer look in case you couldn't read the label on the first picture. Note that the packaging tells us that "She really 'EATS' her doll food & 'POOPS'!" I love the use of all caps and the exclamation point.

Finally, the back of the box, where we see Baby Alive saying "Uh-oh, I made a stinky!" while a child gleefully changes her diaper.

What does this say about us as a society? I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that I don't want to think about what it says about me, that I felt the need to take pictures and tell all of you about it.

October Surprise

I woke up this morning and let the dogs out, only to find this out there. (Actually, this picture is from later, after the car had been warming up. Can't find the earlier picture.)

No, it isn't a lot of snow, but the point is that it's the first snow of the year. It's already starting. After taking this picture, I went inside an hit Melissa with the first snowball of the year, which was about the size of a peanut M&M.

I guess I should jut be glad I don't live in the U.P. where they were predicting a foot or two last night.

On a different subject, as much as I liked the season premiere of Lost, last night's episode was even better.


Noon Update: Snowing harder now. It's not really sticking, but it's snowing hard and blowing around, making it awfully hard to see to drive.

Next Day Update: Total of 4 inches of snow. It's not even Halloween yet, much less Christmas, and it's already beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Trivial Tuesday

While there have been several people who rose to the office of President of the United States without being elected to that office (e.g. John Tyler, Millard Fillmore, Andrew Johnson and Chester A. Arthur who were all elected as Vice Presidents, but never as President, and four others assumed the office of President then went on to be elected President), there are only two people who have ever become Vice President of the US without being elected to the post. Who were these two men and under what Presidents did they serve?

First correct comment wins bragging rights.

Things to Love About Heroes

The more I watch Heroes, the more I like it. The real question is why? What makes me like it so much? Here I list a few of the reasons I feel it's worth watching.

Last night's episode was written by one of the show's producers, Jeph Loeb, who is a comic writer and a former producer for Lost.

The artwork we see that was done by Isaac the painting prophet is actually done by Tim Sale.

Loeb and Sale collaborated in the past on many comics including the best Batman graphic novel to date, The Long Halloween. (Yes, I realize that I'm going to get called out for not saying Batman: Year One, but I prefer TLH.)

It's sort of like X-Men, only not. It's darker, grittier and definitely not made for kids. (Though sometimes a bit too gory. Claire waking up after the autopsy? Yikes.)

When Claire, the Cheer-verine, gets her neck broken and twisted so that her head is on backwards for a moment before she turns it back around and is completely fine, I get to wonder if that was a small reference to the film Death Becomes Her.

Hiro. He's great. A geek stuck at a desk gets the super powers he's always wanted. He reacts just like a geek should. Besides, he referenced the X-Men story Days of Future Past in episode 1. He's already trying to figure out how to use his powers for good. First, he saves a child from getting hit by a truck, and now he's going to try to save a city from destruction.

We don't know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy yet. Sure we know some things, but at this point, most people who appear good could be bad and those appearing to be bad could be good. (For example: Niki is not exactly looking like a good guy right now, but we don't know enough to say which side she'll be on.) Then again, we don't know enough to know if there is a good side and bad side.

These are just ordinary people to start with. Cops, high school cheerleaders, office workers. Once they begin realizing that they have powers, everything changes.

Mostly importantly for a serial drama like this, it gives that feeling of "how much longer until the next episode?"

I hope the show continues to improve and that we keep learning more about these people. While their powers are what brought me to the show, it's the characters themselves that will keep me.

The Way Back Machine: Push It

It's story time once again, so sit back, relax and let yourself be transported to a simpler time, a time of school bells and note passing, a time when "Push It" was the most offensive thing you had to worry about children listening to.

Once not too long ago (about 2 decades) I was a 6th grade student. One day during class, a teacher came upon a note folded up on the ground. She picked it up, and as teachers often do, began to read it aloud.

I've never really understood the point of this. Reading it out loud rarely embarrasses the writer of the note. More often, the person humiliated by the reading of the note is neither author nor recipient, but the student who was the subject of ridicule in the note. Nonetheless, this teacher, as so many others before her, decided to read the note to the class.

She unfolded the note and got everyone's attention. "You, come here and give me a kiss. Better make it fast or else, I'm gonna get. . . WHOA!!!!!" She stopped in shock at the next word and looked around at the class wondering who was writing such things. Much to her dismay, the class looked up at her and almost as one shouted, "That's Push It." Yeah, thanks to Salt-N-Pepa, there was no point in worrying about whether or not the kids hear the word "pissed" when reading that note.

They Take Their Football Seriously in The South...Apparently Their Video Games, Too

Today, I present to you a link to a news story from my old hometown. I will now use this as evidence when disagreeing with anyone who says that my attitude toward college football is unhealthy.

The best part of this story? That the sheriff (the same sheriff as when I lived there over 12 years ago) used the phrase "I wouldn't have bet a plugged nickel" when describing the victim's chances of survival.

I'll avoid challenging anyone on the PS2 when we go down there next month.

So, I Guess I'm Out of the Book Club?

Lost is finally back, and I've got so many things bouncing around my head about it that I doubt I'll be able to give this any structure. So, here you go, a bunch of random thoughts on Lost.

How cool was the beginning of that episode? The Others have a little Other civilization complete with little Other houses. They even have their very own book club, and just like many book clubs, people get upset when someone picks Stephen King. (Did anyone happen to notice which King book it was? I couldn't tell. Update: Thanks to Angel Cohn of tvguide.com for pointing out that it was Carrie.) FauxHenry has a real name (Ben) and appears to not like Stephen King and have some sort of history with Juliet the Other. Seeing their reaction to the crash of Oceanic 815 was great and finally gave us a complete picture of what happened on that day.

Jack's flashbacks gave us a whole new insight to his personality, and he's not always the nice guy we've seen so far. He's obsessive, maybe just flat out crazy. We even found that his father had actually stopped drinking before Jack attacked him and accused him of sleeping with Sara. Perhaps Jack had a little more responsibility than we thought for his father's death. I still think he did the right thing when he turned him in for conducting surgery drunk, but he certainly didn't help him get sober.

Jack, Sawyer and Kate are still prisoners. With a little help from another prisoner we've never seen before, Sawyer managed to escape, only to be tasered. Eventually, he earned a fish biscuit from the device in the cage he was held in, even though the bears (polar?) only took two hours. Kate was treated nicely because "the next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant." She even got to shower and clean up. (Was Tom/Mr. Friendly/Zeke/The Gortons Fisherman implying that he was gay or did he just mean Kate wasn't his type?) Jack took Juliet prisoner and found out that opening the door to the underwater hatch was a really bad idea. It even appears that the Others has dossiers on everyone on the island. They obviously have some contact with the outside world, but what and how remain to be seen.

It was a good episode, but I couldn't help wondering if we could at least get a glimpse of the rest of the Losties or Hurley's hike back across the island. What about Penny Widmore and her search for Desmond? What about the three stuck in the hatch when it blew up? Did Walt and Michael really escape? As always with Lost, there are so many questions yet to be answered, but there is nothing to do but hang on and enjoy the ride.

Why I've Been Gone and Why I Love Camera Phones

OK, I apologize for not posting much recently. In my own defense I have either had people at my house or been out of town for a large portion of the past two weeks. This past week, my parents came up to visit, and after talking for a bit we decided it would be nice to take a quick trip over to Niagara Falls. More on that in later posts, but first a word to any Canadian readers:

Dear Canadians,

You guys are great, and I always enjoy visiting Canada. I mean, yeah, you are a bit too tolerant of the mullet and I cannot buy my precious Diet Mountain Dew (yeah, I really need to cut back on the caffeine.), but these are things we can get past. However, there is one thing I really don't understand, and I was hoping you could help me with this. What exactly does one do with a 4 liter bag of milk? (See below and please ignore the fat guy holding it.)



Any explanation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,

Craig

Trivial Tuesday

There is always plenty of talk about renewable sources of energy. One such source is hydroelectric power. One of the first places where hydroelectricity was harnessed and sent over a distance was at one of the world's greatest natural wonders. Where was this early work on hydroelectricity done?

First commenter to give the correct answer wins this week's bragging rights. Play by the rules, and have fun.

Congrats to Invisible Lizard who guessed correctly that the answer was Niagara Falls.

Trivial Tuesday

While you now know that yesterday was my birthday, you may not realize that it was also the anniversary of the Battle of Stamford Bridge where, in 1066, King Harold II of England defeated Harald III of Norway. Unfortunately, any celebration of the victory was cut short along with the reign of Harold II when less than a month later he was killed at the Battle of Hastings. The conquering forces at Hastings were led by what man who went on to be king of England?

Three Decades Down

So, it appears that I'm officially old now. At least, that's what people keep telling me. I don't feel that old, and certainly don't feel any more mature. More mature or not, I no longer get to claim to be in my twenties, since today is my thirtieth birthday. I don't typically talk about my birthday, in fact I've deliberately avoided talking about it here in the past. This year has to be a little different though.

Melissa, who can never keep any sort of gift or surprise a secret, planned a surprise party for me. She planned out a nostalgic roller skating party complete with a soundtrack she put came up with and compiled herself. It had all the music you need for skating, from It Takes Two to Bust a Move to Youth Gone Wild. (I didn't ask how much she had to download to make the soundtrack. One of the joys of having a birthday is that you don't get to know how much was spent of things.) As if having the party (and recently buying me a Media Center PC and new monitor) was not enough, she also got me the I Love The 80's game and a 80's version of Trivial Pursuit.

So, while I don't know if worth anywhere near that much trouble, I certainly won't complain about it. Like I said, I didn't intend to talk about my birthday on here, but after all that, I had to. Of course, now that I know she can manage to keep a secret, I might be suspicious a bit more often.

Trivial Tuesday

Ahoy mateys, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Since I don't feel like typing this entire post in piratese_(TM), how about a pirate related question instead?

Robert Louis Stevenson's 1883 novel, Treasure Island, gave us many of things we associate with pirates today. One of these is the first recorded instance of the song that include the lyrics, "Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum." My question for you is this: In that song, how many men are on the dead man's chest?

First correct answer in the comments section wins bragging rights...but no rum.

I'm Not Dead Yet

Ok, so it turns out I'm not dying. It was just a cold. My blog is back, too, so maybe I was just being a little overdramatic. I do appreciate the comments, especially from Laziest Girl who truly understands the phenomenon of the "man cold".

Since I've already got you here. Have you seen the Verizon Wireless commercial where a woman bumps into a guy she has been trying to avoid? He asks what's going on, becase he has tried to call her dozens of times. She blames her cell, "the service is so unreliable" *shakes fist* "Grrr." He explains that she should switch and then goes on his way. After he leaves, the entire "Verizon Network" comes out of hiding and she thanks them, because he would never have believed the unreliable service story if he saw the support of her phone network. It's mildly amusing, if a little annoying after the 700th time you see it.

I noticed something new recently that added to my enjoyment of the commercial, though. When the sleazy guy is telling her to switch so that they can "reconnect", he actually turns his head and checks out the butt of a girl that walks past them. It just adds to the sleaze factor of the guy and helps to develop his character. I don't really know why, but since I've noticed that, it cracks me up everytime.

I'm Think I'm Dying

Either that or I have a cold, but for now I'm sticking with dying. So, if you don't see an update from me for a while, you can assume that I have gone on to a greater purpose of being the first North American victim of the avian flu epidemic. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some people to go infect.

P.S. It appears that blogger is convinced I am already dead, since my blog seems to be M.I.A. Even though I'm posting this, I can't seem to find my blog at the moment. If you see it would you let me know and encourage it to go back home? Thanks.

Mythbusters: Movie Myths

I make no secret about my love for Mythbusters. It's one of my favorite shows on TV right now. Last night they had a two hour long special about movie myths. It made me stay up past my bedtime, but it was absolutely worth it.

Like all episodes of Mythbusters, there was plenty of destruction and the results defy the simple categories of Confirmed, Plausible and Busted that they are lumped into at the end. Let's run through the myths and what happened.

Awning Fall (Plausible): Remember the scene in Temple of Doom where Indy and Kate Capshaw run behind a rolling gong to hide from bullets then jump out a window, ripping through three awnings, and bouncing off a fourth. The team set up three awnings for Buster to fall through, while shock stickers were added to various parts of his body to test the forces he would be subject to in the fall. Buster fell straight through the first awning and became wedged in the second. They went ahead and cut him out, allowing him to fall to the third and then to the ground. When his shock stickers were examined, they found that he had not suffered any forces that would be lethal, making the myth that using awnings to break your fall plausible. The word plausible fails to mention that if Buster had hit at different angles, he might have still been dead and that his injuries would have been such that even landing in Short Round's car wouldn't have been enough to give him a quick getaway. I don't know about you, but the sight of Buster's limbs detached from his body was enough to make me think I wouldn't want to do it.

Ejector Seat (Plausible): This was probably one of the more straightforward results. Adam and Jamie built an ejector seat into an old Toyota. Using air pressure, they were able to make the seat eject, taking a test dummy with it. It may not be like the ejector seats in spy movies, but the principle is the same, and it worked.

Sword cutting a sword (Busted): Since every movie with a swordfight seems to have a scene where someone cuts an opponent's sword in two, Grant, Tory and Kari tested whether a sword could really slice another one. Since none of them were expert swordsmen (and it wouldn't be too safe either) Grant built a sword swinging machine. Personally, I was hoping for something a little more Battlebots like, but hey, a decapitation machine is a decapitation machine. First, they tested using a high quality sword against a weaker display only katana and found that the real thing sliced straight through the weaker sword. However, they could never get the same results using two swords of the correct quality. It didn't seem to matter if they used a katana, rapier, claymore or Viking sword. The myth was busted. The problem with simply saying it was busted was that yes, the sword didn't slice the other, but on at least 3 if not 4 occasions the target sword still broke. It was not a cut, but are we ever sure that it is a slice in the movies? Swords can definitely break each other, but won't cut through each other unless one of the swordsmen grabs a stainless steel display sword on his way to the duel.

Shooting Out Locks (Busted/Plausible): Lots of locks. Lots of guns. Lots of destruction. The team tried shooting out a bunch of deadbolts and padlocks with 2 handguns and 2 rifles. The padlocks and deadbolts both gave the same results. A 9 mm and .357 made the locks look pretty ugly, but they still worked. (For the padlocks, had none of these people seen the Master Lock ad where they shoot it with a handgun?) Once Grant moved up to the shotgun and the M1, the locks really didn't stand a chance. You can absolutely shoot out a lock with a high powered rifle from short range, as long as you don't mind getting showered with dangerous and potentially lethal shrapnel. I'll stick with a key, thanks.

Bullet Breakthrough (Busted): In Underworld, Kate Beckinsale shoots the ground around her feet to make a hole that falls through, allowing her to quickly get to the next floor down. I think Tom and Jerry used to do similar things, only with a saw. Tory set up a rig that would allow him to safely blast away the floor with a submachine gun. Once the floor was riddled with bullets, the sandbags on the target should fall safely to the next floor. Unfortunately, after 360 bullets from his machine gun and a few helpful rounds from Grant with the shotgun, the floor was still there. Damaged, but still there.

The Dukes of Hazzard Jump (Busted): The big myth for the night was jumping a car off a mound of dirt and having it land on all four wheels so that you can drive away. Jamie rigged a remote control up to a car which would run the course he and Adam had prepared. From the film, it appeared that the car was going 75 mph and traveled about 175 feet. They had the dirt ramp set up and the car up to 75. When it hit the ramp, it went airborne and flew, just like in the movies. It even went about 172 feet before taking a nose dive and demolishing the front end of the car. In case that was not enough to bust the myth, they showed the long jump champion for cars. He traveled over 200 feet, and the car landed on four wheels in drivable condition. Unfortunately, he spent the next 6 weeks in a hospital. The bottom line: Don't try this at home. You, the car or both are not going to make it.

I hope more of you out there watched it, because this episode was great. I just wish that while they were on the subject of Temple of Doom, they could have tested the whole pulling a beating heart out of someone's chest thing.

Trivial Tuesday

I saw recently that a special edition DVD of Romancing the Stone with Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas was being released. Appearing in Romancing the Stone as a fan Joan Wilder's novels was Alfonso Arau. Arau was not only an actor, but a director and would go on to direct films including the well-received Like Water for Chocolate and the well-received for a movie starring Keanu Reeves A Walk in the Clouds. To me, however, he will always be a villain in the Chevy Chase/Steve Martin/Martin Short movie Three Amigos.

What "handsome" bad guy did he play?

Congrats to Invsible Lizard who knew that I was referring to El Guapo and even provided a quote from the film. Bragging rights are yours for a week.

MemeP3

Instead of actually writing anything today, let's play a game with music. Take out your MP3 player, iPod or fauxPod, play along and post the results on your blog.

Turn on your music player. Set it to shuffle and hit play. What is the 5th song that plays?

All Falls Down by Kanye West

4 songs that you have to sing along with when they come on...even if you don't know all the words.

Du Hast by Rammstein, Going Back to Cali by Notorius B.I.G. (or at least the chorus), Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz, Through the Wire by Kanye West

3 songs (that you haven't listed yet) that will make you start dancing in the car. (Don't act like you don't do it. We've all seen you.)

Mundian to Bach Ke by Pan'jabi MC, Love Me Babe by Murphy Lee, Crabbuckit by K-Os

2 songs that you could put on repeat and listen to over and over.

Po Folks by Nappy Roots, The Beginning of The End by Gentle Ben and His Sensitive Side (thanks to Laziest Girl for that one)

1 thing on your music player that would be at least a little embarrasing if someone else heard it.

Flash Gordon Soundtrack by Queen

See, now wasn't that fun? Now it's your turn.

One Smart Cookie

We went for Chinese food recently and at the end of the meal I opened my fortune cookie to find this. (Please excuse the glare in the photo.)

"You will receive a fortune. (cookie)" Look, I deal with enough people who think they are clever in my real life. I'm even one of those people. I certainly don't need baked goods thinking that they are witty too.

Of course, I ended up having the last word. I'm the one with thumbs and teeth. Poor cookie never stood a chance.

I'm So Ugly, But That's OK, Cause So Are You

"I feel a meme coming on." Those were the words of a fellow blogger a while back when we entered into a discussion of the ringtones we have on our respective cell phones. Since I've g0t nothing else today, I figured why not use the idea. So, with apologies to Ms. Q for taking her statement and running with it, let's talk about ringtones.

Most people (looking around, it feels like about 90% of the population, but it's probably less) have a mobile phone of some sort now. As the phones have become more popular, they have also become easier to customize. One of the ways to make your phone distinctive or at least know if it's your phone ringing is by changing the ringtone. You can be serious, ironic or just use things you love. So what's my ringtone?

Main ringtone: Lithium by Nirvana

Voicemail notification: Theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Work ringtone: Sick and Tired by Nappy Roots

How about your ringtones? Play along on your blog, comment here, ask all your friends about theirs or just be boring and do nothing.

Trivial Tuesday

One of the most amusing characters on The Simpsons is the stereotypical fat, slovenly geek known as Comic Book Guy. For years, he was known simply as Comic Book Guy as he lashed out a patrons of his store, The Android's Dungeon. Even when he fell in love with Principal Skinner's mother, we still did not learn his true name. We knew that he had no use for a medium size belt and that he carried around a Klingon dictionary ("is there a word in Klingon for lonliness?"). Finally, during a special episode in 2005, Comic Book Guy revealed his true name to Ned Flanders, of all people.

What is the Comic Book Guy's name?

Update: Comic Book Buy is named Jeff Albertson. Rainypete got the Jeff part, and that was about as close as anyone got.

Chile not Chili

We recently got a shipment of New Mexico green chile from Hatch Chile Express. For those of you not familiar with Hatch, NM it is the self-proclaimed Chile Capital of the world. Why such a big deal? If you haven't eaten New Mexico chiles, I really don't know if I can explain it. Before I continue, however, I do want to help clarify a couple different things. Chili: A meat and/or bean based spicy soup. Good, but not the same thing as chile. Chile: A fruit from plants of the Capsicum genus. Pepper: The stuff that you typically dry and put in a grinder. From the Piper nigrum plant. If it seems like I take this stuff seriously, I would say I do and remind you of two things: 1. New Mexico chile played a huge part in the food I grew up with, and 2. I went to a university that has an entire section of its agriculture department devoted to chiles. Besides, chiles are just absolutely delicious.

We got our box of chiles delivered via Fed Ex last week.

I was amused to see the warning label on the outside of the box that warned of "pungent chile."

I suppose they didn't want to have problems with people touching the box and then putting their fingers in their eyes. Opening the box, I was greeted with the sight and smell of fresh chiles.

To prepare them for use and get the most out of their flavor, the chiles needed to be roasted. I fired up the grill and gave them a quick rinse to clean them off. "How does one roast chiles?" you ask. (Ok, fine. None of you are asking or even caring, but you're going to find out anyway.) The chiles go on a hot grill (or under a hot broiler or directly on a gas flame) and are roasted until the skin blisters and blackens, just a few minutes per side.

Don't forget to poke them with a fork before applying the heat. There's a lot of water in there, and it's going to turn into a lot of steam. Exploding chiles, while amusing, aren't that useful. Once the skin has blistered, take the chiles off the heat and give them a nice shock treatment to stop the cooking.

I like using a cooler full of ice, but a big pot or bowl of ice water works as well, just not for as many at a time. Once cooled and out of the water, the chiles are ready to be frozen until you are ready to use them. To use them, just thaw them out, remove the blackened skin (if you take it off before freezing, they can get mushy), remove the stems and seeds and slice them in any way that your recipe requires. How to use them? Oh, man. However you want, but there are a couple of great quick applications, both of which we used tonight.

Application number 1: The green chile cheeseburger. (not pictured, because I ate it quickly) Take one roasted chile and remove the skin. Remove the stem and slice lengthwise so that the chile can be flattened and remove the seeds. Just before assembling a burger, place the flat chile on the hot grill to warm up. Assemble your burger with meat, cheese and green chile. Go ahead and add tomato if you want, it goes great. After all, it's actually just a big berry like the chile. Scoff at mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup and other unnecessary condiments. Eat.

Application number 2: Roasted tomato and green chile salsa.

Roast tomatoes on the grill (I had small tomatoes, so I used 6-7, but you could use 2-3 good sized ones). The skin on the tomatoes will blacken in spots and then slip right off once they are cooled. Chop or crush the tomatoes into a bowl. Skin, stem and seed 5 roasted chiles and dice. If you want to reduce the heat of the chiles, use your knife to remove the inner membrane before dicing; that's where most of the heat is. Chop and add 3 cloves of garlic, and a handful of cilantro. If everyone eating the salsa likes onion, dice some up and add it to taste. Add a little lime juice (about 1/4 of a lime, depending on size). Add salt to taste. Stir and leave chunky or puree to make smooth. Apply to chips. Wonder why you buy bottled stuff.

I know probably none of you reading this (if anyone is still reading this) care as much as I do about green chile, but believe me once you start, they rapidly become an addiction and the possibilities for use are endless. (Don't believe me? Check this out.)

Who Wants to Be A Superhero ep. 6, The Finale

The only superheroes remaining are Fat Momma and Feedback. The other 9 have turned in their costumes and moved on. It's time to find out who really is a superhero.

Wasting no expense, the show begins with horrifyingly bad effects showing Stan taking over everyone television and telling the world about his new superhero. Oddly, this seems to work better when one wears a Guy Fawkes mask. He is going to announce the winner to the whole world, but first he has to do a few more things to decide who that winner will be.

Right away, Stan informs the two remaining contestants that it is time to gain their superpowers. While I was hoping he would release a bunch of radioactive spiders into the Lair and hope for someone to get bitten, it turns out that he is sending them to stunt school. At the stunt school they learn to fight, tumble and fly in front of a green screen. Feedback performs many of the activities better than Fat Momma, who is not surprising as his character is not based on being out of shape. What is surprising is that as he says he needs to "stretch out a bit", Feedback drops down into the splits, indicating that if he doesn't win this contest he could always replace Jean Claude Van Damme in a sequel to Bloodsport.

Eventually, they get chances to leap from the swing, in front of the green screen and onto pads. Feedback does it repeatedly and seems to really enjoy himself. As Fat Momma gets onto the swing and prepares to fly, she thinks about the risks. The risk of injury, especially for a single mother who has young children depending on her, outweigh the benefit of flying in this way. She decides that she will not do this stunt, and everyone applauds her decision. With a risk-benefit analysis like that she proves that, even if she can't become the next superhero, she's a great fit for middle management.

Back at the Lair, the contestants each get a chance to talk to Stan one on one, and for the first time, he greets them by their true first names. First up is Feedback a.k.a. Matthew, who when asked who his hero is, once again sites Stan Lee and talks of growing up with Spider Man as a guide. Stan seems perplexed, but touched once again. To be fair to Feedback, he explains this well, so that it seems a little less creepy this time. Tears are shed, and it's Fat Momma's turn.
As Fat Momma, a.k.a. Nell, sits and converses with Stan, he asks her about her hero. She tells him about her father, who is older and is beginning to have problems with his memory. Tears are shed, and it's time for the decision. This time it's too big of a ceremony to have on the roof, so Stan has them go to Universal City Walk.

Stan shows up on a giant monitor above Universal City Walk and greets the citizens. He tells them of the competition and introduces the superheroes by showing a clip of each in action. While showcasing some of the worst green screen effects in history, the clips show that Feedback certainly appears better on screen than Fat Momma. Then again, when they give you something like "Chicken Man," a chick green screened to appear as big a building, you can't really expect people to take you seriously.

Stan finally makes the difficult choice and asks Fat Momma to turn in her costume. He congratulates Feedback, who celebrates and is surprised by the arrival of his wife. Then, all the other superheroes show up to celebrate with him, until finally Stan's monitor appears to malfunction and he disappears. In the final surprise, Stan comes out to greet everyone in person, and Feedback finally meets the Willy Wonka to his Charlie. More tears are shed, especially by those who will be involved in making a Feedback movie, and we conclude with "The End?"

It was not a perfect show. In fact, it was not really even good, if you tried to take it seriously. None of the people on the show were good potential superheroes, but perhaps with good writers and some judicious ignoring of the backstory the contestants gave themselves, they could be turned into better candidates. My favorite contestant throughout the show was Major Victory, who was (as Stan noted) more of a parody of a superhero. He knew that this should never be taken seriously and therefore never did take it too seriously. In the end, I don't think this could have ended any way other than it did. The contestant who most wanted to live as a superhero was the one who won the chance to do exactly that. Now, all we can do is wait for the SciFi Saturday night movie, and if those clips they showed are any indication, it's going to be good...in a bad way. Or is that bad in a good way? Either way, I'll be there, hoping that it's as fun as it can be.

The Decline of the American Movie Theater

While movie theaters are constantly becoming more advanced, more comfortable and more expensive, there are other areas in which they are rapidly declining. I'll be the first to admit that I love going to the movies. I love the new digital super clear surround sound. I love the memory foam reclining seats. I love that the picture is clear and crisp. I love that we are getting to see more mainstream films in IMAX and even some in IMAX 3D. But I can no longer stay silent on the real issue: the RollNap.

Gone are the days of bi-fold or tri-fold napkins stacked and placed into a dispenser, allowing customers to remove the needed number of napkins and distribute as necessary. Now these glorified toilet paper rolls require moviegoers to remove a length of connected napkins and then rip each sheet off of the giant napkin ribbon they have obtained.

As if the annoyance of the roll design were not enough, the napkins provided are thinner and weaker. While you may not be cleaning up spills with these napkins in the theater (in fact, the floors are evidence that even theater employees aren't cleaning up spills), the last thing you want when you are handling popcorn drenched in butter-flavored motor oil is a flimsy napkin. After only a few kernels of popcorn, the napkin becomes saturated and starts to tear. You toss it aside and tear a new one from the now wadded up length you brought into the theater with you. After three or four rounds of this, you realize the futility of this and just begin using the giant ball of wadded napkins. Soon, even that is not enough and you are left with three options: stop eating popcorn, just leave the oil slick on your hands and hope for the best, or wipe your hands on something else conveniently located such as your jeans or the hair of the person seated in front of you.

I say enough. It's time to make our voices heard. It's time for us to stand up to the theaters and tell them: If we have to pay 8 to 10 dollars per person for tickets, 4 dollars for popcorn and 3 dollars for a soft drink, we deserve quality napkins. I don't think it's too much to ask. We don't complain that you put non-movie related ads before the previews. We don't even request that you help free us when our shoes become stuck to the floor. It's only fair that you bring back the old napkins and dispensers.

Moviegoers of the world unite! Take back the theater!

Separated at Birth v. 5

To reinforce my hypothesis first suggested in my recent post about Flash Gordon, here is yet another edition of separated at birth.

Right hand man to Ming the Merciless: Klytus

Right hand man to Cobra Commander: Destro

Trivial Tuesday

Empire Online recently released its list of the 10 best cinematic bank robberies. The top two films both star Al Pacino. In fact, the film the second spot contains the only time Al Pacino has ever shared a scene with Robert DeNiro.

What was that film? (Bonus points for getting the other Pacino bank robbery that ended up at number 1.)

Who Wants to Be a Superhero ep. 5

Tonight on a very special episode of Blossom Who Wants to Be a Superhero...

It's the penultimate episode of WWTBAS, featuring the penultimate elimination. (By the way, I really like the word penultimate. Have I mentioned that?) Down to the last three (Fat Momma, Major Victory and Feedback), we start off with our beloved superheroes doing housework in full costume. And who could blame them; wouldn't you be more likely to clean a toilet if you got to wear a cape and boots while doing it? Yeah, me either.

Stan notifies the remaining three that it's time to face the toughest judges: Children. They visit an elementary school class and have prototypes of comic covers revealed to them. After seeing the covers, they each have a turn explaining their character to the kids. While Major Victory amuses the kids with his typical antics, Fat Momma explains the purpose of her superhero, to teach kids to respect themselves. Feedback attempts to explain his origins and powers to the children, but is met with blank stares and the sounds of crickets chirping. Perhaps if the kids were a bit older, they would have been interested, but at this age, everything he said was beyond their comprehension. His talk with the kids did provide the best line of the night, however. When asked what his favorite video game was, Feedback told the kids that it was Pong, inspiring one of the kids to later say, "I've never heard of Pong. I think he just made it up." After everyone has a chance to explain themselves to the kids, the children must choose their favorite superhero. As expected, Fat Momma wins in a landslide.

Before the superheroes have a chance to unwind, it's time to leap into action. The Dark Enforcer has been spotted and they need to find him before he hurts anyone. He doesn't really seem all that threatening, since he isn't doing anything besides standing around with a stopwatch, but who are we to question Stan Lee? They are each given a clue, which leads to the next clue and the next until they eventually know where to locate the Dark Enforcer. Major Victory races around looking for the next clues and cracking jokes. After just over 15 minutes, he meets up with the Dark Enforcer. Feedback is next, and he moves through the clues as quickly as Major Victory. Unfortunately, when he reaches the person with the final clue, he takes a while to help her get her purse back in order, including spending an eternity trying to pick a penny up off of the ground. He finishes helping her and runs on to the last checkpoint, just a few seconds behind Major Victory's time. Last is Fat Momma, who decides that instead of hurrying through the clues, she will stop to borrow a french fry or two from various people. She does reach the end of the course, but not until 40 minutes later than either of the others took.

Back at the lair, the superheroes prepare for the next (and penultimate!) elimination. As they discuss the ramifications of what is about to happen, Fat Momma excuses herself and ends up locking herself in the bathroom and refusing to come back out until she can talk to one of the producers of the show. As she uses her superhero powers to smash through the fourth wall, she tells the producer that she just doesn't think she can go on. She believes that Feedback wants and needs this more than anyone else, and that she should be taken off the show. They talk for a while and eventually, the producer tells her to talk it over with the other contestants. After much talking and crying and hugging, Feedback and Major Victory talk her into staying and they all head up to the roof.

Stan has them all step forward onto the red cubes and prepare for the elimination. He tells them all how proud he is of how they have done so far. He does, however, provide criticism for each of them: Feedback for talking over the kids' heads, Fat Momma for not taking the timed aspect of the challenge seriously, and Major Victory for always joking. When the time finally comes for someone to be eliminated, he has to let Major Victory go, because at times he is "almost a parody of a superhero". Major Victory steps off his cube and goes to turn in his costume, and both Feedback and Fat Momma are stunned. Feedback looks at Major Victory, then back at Stan. He stands back on his cube and attempts to address Stan, prompting Major Victory to tell him to "Shut up. You're not the shot caller," which likely saves Feedback from doing anything that would qualify as both noble and stupid. Before Major Victory can leave, Stan stops him and reminds him of why he entered the contest, which was to show his daughter that he could be a hero. Stan tells him that he has accomplished that mission and points him to a phone where his daughter is waiting to talk to him. He talks to her, they say that they love each other, and she tells him that she's proud and that he is her hero. He cries. She cries. Feedback cries. Fat Momma cries. Even Stan cries. Not one to leave on a sad note, Major Victory tells his daughter that he will talk to her later, more privately and as he walks away asks Stan, "Can I keep the phone? It's a nice one."

With only one episode left (because this was the penultimate episode), I can't help but think that Major Victory had better have a cameo appearance in the comic made for whoever wins this competition.

Trivial Tuesday

I'm running a little behind this week, and unfortunately, it's not because I have a copy of Madden NFL 07. You see, today has been declared National Madden Day by EA Sports, the maker of the video game, in honor of this year's release. Several players share the honor of the highest rating in the game, but only one player made the cover. What former University of Alabama standout graces the cover of this year's game?

By the way, this question is for those of you who thought last week's was easy, but didn't make it here in time. Perhaps you can win that race this time, because I doubt this question will last long either.

Who Wants to Be a Superhero ep. 4

We're down to the last 5, and the real drama has started. Tonight on Who Wants to Be a Superhero, the waterworks will begin in earnest.

After the recap, we see our beloved superheroes helping people on the street. Feedback and Major Victory attempt to help people cross the street. Fat Momma chastises a parking cop about breaking rules while he rights tickets. Creature makes people pick up trash, gets clothing to give to the homeless and almost gets hit by a car while jaywalking. Lemuria...umm...well, she wandered around.

Back at the lair, Stan Lee appears on his monitor again, still hiding from our superheroes as if they were carriers of the Avian Flu. He wants to talk to them about what just happened, but the Dark Enforcer appears on his screen with some bad news. He's talked to the family and friends of our superheroes, and they spilled some secrets. He begins showing the footage, and I realize I'm watching a TV with a TV on the screen and on that TV is another TV, and I'm pretty sure that in at least one of the interviews, there was a TV in the background there. It's close the best demonstration of infinity I've ever seen. Of course, I'm thinking about things like this because the big secrets they tell are not that impressive. We find out that Creature once littered, Feedback has a messy office, Fat Momma isn't always happy with her weight, Lemuria likes to tease guys at bars, and for the 5000th time we hear that Major Victory used to be a stripper (this does at least give the Dark Enforcer a chance to wave a dollar bill at Major Victory). Stan decides to eliminate Creature, making her the first person kicked off a reality show for jaywalking.

The main challenge tonight is to perform a secret task while talking with an inmate. Of course, somehow the superheroes don't seem to realize that these aren't real inmates. Lemuria must sit on an inmate's lap for 10 seconds. She goes for a far too direct approach and throws herself onto the woman's lap. This gets the inmate to jump up and scream at her, ending the session. Fat Momma must push and inmate's hair out of her face three times. She manages, despite the inmate repeatedly telling her to stop touching her. Major Victory must rub the inmate's shoulders three times. He manages to almost sneak the shoulder rubs in and completes his task. Finally, Feedback must manage three hugs. He does amazingly well, not only completing the task, but doing so in a sincere way. He may be boring, take the competition way too seriously and need to stop walking around with his mouth hanging open, but he earned some major bonus points on that challenge.

It's time for an elimination, and it really isn't much of a competition this time. Sure Stan complains again that Major Victory keeps taking off his cape, but only Lemuria couldn't complete the challenge. As she turns in her costume, she begins to cry as do her fellow superheroes, who come to comfort her.

Before we end, Stan tells the final three how proud he is of each of them. They all weep in response. When we get to Feedback, he is truly moved by Stan saying that he is proud of him and calls Stan the father he never had. Everyone cries and we see scenes from the next episode in which we are promised an elimination so hard, it makes Stan cry. Either everyone is getting really close on this show, or Stan is just really upset about having to create a comic with one of these people. To find out, I guess we'll have to wait until next week.

Trivial Tuesday

ABC recently revealed the line-up for the newest edition of Dancing With the Stars. Among those on the show this season: Tucker Carlson, Willa Ford, Jerry Springer and NFL all-time rushing leader Emmitt Smith. In 2002, Smith broke the NFL record for rushing yards in a career.

Whose record did Smith break?

Congratulations to Marni, who knew that the record was previously held by Walter Payton. Bragging rights are all yours until next week.

He'll Save Every One of Us

I watched Flash Gordon again recently. It had been quite a while, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Other than the effects being even more dated than they seemed the last time I saw it, not much changed in my perceptions of it. It was still cheesy but fun, and the Queen score was pretty much perfect for the tone of the film. There were some things I picked up on now that I didn't remember from previous viewings. For example:

Dale and Flash met on the plane which crashed at Zarkov's lab. Zarkov told them that there were 11 days until earth was destroyed. Later, with about 3 days until the destruction of earth, he suggests that she save her stories for their kids. She assumes this is a marriage proposal and accepts. They have known each other for just over a week, and she thought he was dead for most of that time. They move pretty quickly.

I'm pretty sure that the people behind G.I. Joe must have watched this movie and gotten a look at Klytus before designing Destro. In fact, they may even have used General Kala as inspiration for the Baroness, but maybe I saw that because I saw Klytus as Destro.

Of all the people in the film, who would have thought that Prince Barin would be the one to make it big. He went from this to eventually being James Bond. Impressive.

On the subject of Barin, did no one else find it weird that his name was Prince Barin? Does he have siblings named Count Dook and Viceroy Erl? While we're at it, I felt kind of sorry for him at the end. Sure he's alive and he gets to be king, but he's still with Aura. While she may have found the ability to cry, does he really think she's done being a tramp? The girl was dating have the population of Mongo and manipulating them to get them to do whatever she wanted. Does anyone really think the bore worms changed all that?

After watching again, I realized that it probably won't matter how many times I watch it, Prince Vultan will still be my favorite part.

Who Wants to Be a Superhero ep. 3

Yet more fun this week as the final 7 contestants vie for the chance to become a superhero, immortalized in not only their own comic, but in a SciFi original movie. And if you don't think I'm going to blog about that, you haven't been reading me very long.

This week starts a new portion of the show, however. Before now, the challenges were set up by Stan Lee with a few twists to make things more interesting. Now there is a supervillain to match the superheroes, the Dark Enforcer. Ok, fine, so he doesn't really do anything except claim responsibility for the twists to the challenges that would have been there already, but it's amusing. Before the first challenge the competitors are told that there is a new supervillain, and as the lights flicker it is revealed that the Iron Enforcer has switched sides. They all look on in shock, and Tyveculus leaps to his feet, shouting, "What is this?" He delivers it with more than a touch of melodrama yet not a bit of irony. Really, I think I saw that same performance at a local high school play recently. I can only hope he's not on this show to become an actor. Speaking of...

It's time for the night's first challenge. They are all asked to go across the street (still in costume) and get lunch. Stan wants to know what they bring back that would be fitting for a superhero. Before I go on, a point about them going in costume, they haven't worn street clothes except for the "quick change" challenge, and they've done a lot of running. Do you think they get to wash those costumes or are they all starting to smell kinda funky? Anyway, back to the challenge...They go in one by one to the cafe and order lunch and bring it back to the lair. As they prepare to present the food to Stan (once again on a monitor in front of them), the Dark Enforcer comes up on another monitor to announce that he's got something to tell him. It seems that some of the people may have broken the biggest rule: Never reveal your secret identity. Apparently, in addition to make you worthy of having your own TV screen so you don't ever have to be in the same room as anyone else, being a supervillain makes you a tattletale, proving once again that evil doers are really just big kids who need attention.

After we recap who gave up their name (Everyone but Fat Momma and Feedback. It seems that slightly flirty members of the opposite sex might as well be kryptonite for all the others.), it's time for an elimination. Rather than going through all the trouble of picking three this time, Stan singles out Monkey Woman. Not only did she give up her name without even being asked (completely flustering the actor playing her waiter), but it turns out that she lied about her job when starting the show. She revealed to the waiter that she is an actress, but had claimed that she was a real estate investor. This doesn't sit well with Stan, who says that honesty is the most important characteristic of a superhero. Unless it has to do with your secret identity, apparently. As he dismisses Monkey Woman, and she sobs...again, I can't help wondering if I'm the only one curious about what they all brought back for lunch. I would have gotten a hero sandwich.

The second challenge of the night is fairly uneventful. The superheroes must rescue a woman from an adjacent rooftop. Stan has a beam raised between the two buildings with a rope alongside to help guide them. To prepare themselves, the superheroes go inside where Tyveculus tells them that they are all going to die. Especially you, Lemuria. You're afraid of heights, so you might as well kill yourself now. (I might be paraphrasing.) Somehow, I think he forgot that they were on a TV show that would be responsible for any injuries they get. As they go back out the Dark Enforcer blindfolds them and leads the to the beam. If he were a real villain, shouldn't he just push them off? Fortunately, he doesn't, and he leads them to a beam that is only an inch or two off the rooftop. As they walk across, thinking that they are high in the air, the Dark Enforcer points a fan at them to simulate a fierce cross wind. It all ends up being pretty pointless as everyone makes it across and back with no problems.

Since the challenge went so well, Stan asks them for help in deciding who to eliminate. Each person has to stand up and tell everyone who should be eliminated. Starting with Creature, almost everyone takes the easy way out and says what amounts to "I can't pick anyone, get rid of me." The only two who don't are Tyveculus who chooses Lemuria and then lectures her about how she is a liability to everyone else and Fat Momma who, after some prodding by Stan to pick someone, chooses Feedback because she worries that he is too hard on himself. Of course, just as one might expect, the right answer is to choose yourself. This means that when we move up to the rooftop for the elimination, Fat Momma and Tyveculus are on the chopping block. Stan has doubts about the motivation behind Tyveculus choosing Lemuria, and decides to eliminate him.

Back in the lair after elimination, Fat Momma says that she thought the others nominated themselves just because they thought it was what Stan wanted. I can't say I disagree with her since I felt the same way when they did it. Tempers flare, superheroes yell, superheroes cry and the drama has started. It's officially a reality show now.

Optimus Prime...Ain't Got Nothin'...On Me

For your entertainment, I present a video of robots playing soccer.

A few thoughts about this video:

1. No, I don't have a clue what they are saying.

2. No, I really don't have a clue what's up with the music.

3. When a robot scores about 1:45 in, I wish it would run around pointing or pumping its fist or in some other way mocking the other robots. Fortunately, this is remedied toward the end with a cool robot celebration of a penalty kick.

4. There needed to be some sort of robot wearing disturbingly small shorts running around showing yellow and red cards to the other robots.

Trivial Tuesday

Almost 80 years ago, a Scottish biologist made an interesting discovery. He discovered that mold contaminating a petri dish he was using had inhibited the growth of bacteria near the mold. He isolated an extract from this mold which contained the antimicrobial molecule which he named penicillin. Who was this famous scientist who would go on to share the Nobel Prize for his discovery?

Congratulations to Invisible Lizard who gave us the correct answer. Alexander Fleming was the scientist who first isolated penicillin, one of the most important medical discoveries of the 20th century.

This Post Is Rated C for Carnivorous

This weekend was Ribfest, a time when many pigs sacrifice their lives for charity and to make me fat. As always we worked our way from vendor to vendor sampling their wares and judging who we thought was best.

Some thoughts on each vendor, as we move down the row:

Cowboys

Ribs were smoky, but tough and dry. The brisket...well, let's just say if I'd wanted a dry pot roast, I already knew where to find it. From the almost exclusively female front staff to the "cowgirls wanted, apply in bunk after 10:00" sign, Cowboys seemed sure that sex would sell the ribs. Unfortunately, I'm of the opinion that when it comes to barbecue, it should sell itself.

Howling Coyote Southwest BBQ

The ribs were a little dry, but tender. Good smoke flavor, but nothing spectacular. Sauces had a good taste, but it was almost impossible to tell which was which even though they were supposedly very different.

Desperado's

Ribs were tasty: meaty and smoky if a little tough, but when they taste that good that's not too major of a thing. Sauce had a nice blend of smoky, tangy, sweet and hot.

Chicago BBQ Company

Ribs were both tough and dry. The chicken managed to be both fatty and dry at the same time.

Johnson's

Incredibly good. The ribs were incredibly tender, smoky and had a great meaty flavor. A little heavy on the sauce, but it was good enough to overlook that.

Rasta Joe's

Possibly the best sign of any of the places, but I have to admit we skipped this one because it hasn't impressed us in any of the previous years.

Big Moe's

A local competitor, who had (in my opinion, which is the only one that matters on this site) the best ribs last year. I was disappointed this year because the ribs were not up to the same standard. The big swing from top last year to more so-so this year, just goes to show how tough it is to consistently be the best at something like this.

The final results:

Craig's ratings: 1. Johnson's, 2. Desperado's, 3. Big Moe's, 4. Howling Coyote, 5. Cowboys, 6. Chicago BBQ.

Melissa's ratings: 1. Johnson's, 2. Desperado's, 3. Chicago BBQ, 4. Big Moe's, 5. Howling Coyote, 6. Cowboys.