This Is My Last Post About Star Wars, I Promise

Despite recent appearances this is not a blog dedicated to Star Wars. It's just that I like to talk about pop culture, and right now Episode III is the 800 pound gorilla of pop culture.

We went to see Revenge of the Sith on Saturday. I'll give a review of the experience and the film and try to steer away from any spoilers that are not already common knowledge due to the other five films.

The theater was already packed with 30 minutes to go before the movie began. I love going to the movies, but hate having to sit next to someone I don't know. This process is made worse by the fact that the stranger sitting next to me inevitably has decided to wear enough perfume for a good six to ten people. This time was no different.

The theater darkened and the previews began. I was pleased to see a preview for The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I loved that book as a child and am very interested to see how it is adapted to the big screen. Coming soon: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, making domestic violence fun for the whole family. The final preview is for The Island. At one point, the words "From the director of Pearl Harbor and Armageddon" appear on the screen. Is that supposed to be a positive thing? Do they think that will make us want to see the movie? As the previews ended and the 20th Century Fox logo appeared on screen, applause broke out in the audience. I've never been one for applauding in a movie theater, mainly because applause is supposed to be a show of appreciation and in this case no one is present to receive the applause. The clapping died down, only to start up again as the words Star Wars appeared along with the familiar John Williams score. At this point, I could only hope that this wouldn't continue throughout the entire movie. (Other than sporadic applause anytime Yoda did anything interesting, it didn't.)

The movie introduces us early on to a new character named General Grievous, a strange droid leader who appears to have end stage tuberculosis. As Anakin and Obi-Wan race to rescue the Chancellor, they have to fight droids, droids, more droids and Christopher Lee. Unfortunately, during various times this requires Hayden Christensen to awkwardly deliver cringe-worthy dialogue, indicating that the rumors of Lucas hiring someone to help with screenplay and a dialogue coach to make up for the fact that he's unable to work with actors have been greatly exaggerated. Throughout this episode I have the same question I have had since the prequels began: This guy is Darth Vader? I wrote it off in Phantom Menace because he was a little kid, but in Attack of the Clones and now Revenge of the Sith I have a hard time picturing the baddest man in the universe from Episodes IV, V, and VI as this guy who is really nothing more than a whiny punk. He supposedly turns to the Dark Side because of his inability to control his emotions (fear of loss, anger, hatred), but in reality he wanders around whining about how no one really understands him and how he wishes the Council would trust him with more. The other emotions are there, but they are lost under the incessant whining of a ten year old.

Like the two before it, this movie belongs to Obi-Wan, Yoda, Palpatine, and Mace Windu. Unfortunately, as anyone familiar with the original trilogy knows, only three of them are present by the time we get to Episode IV. Samuel L. Jackson supposedly told Lucas that he didn't want Mace Windu "going out like some punk", and he certainly didn't. This scene was one where you know what is going to have to happen but you can't help hoping that someone makes the right choice this time. No such luck.

Much like the other prequels, the movie is at its best when we are allowed to see things without having to hear anyone speak. Whether it is individual fights or full-fledged battle scenes, the adventure is absorbing. Once we return to the conversations between characters, from Padme and Anakin proclaiming their love to the discussions of the powers of the Dark Side, the dialogue and performances pull you out of this universe and reminds you that in reality you are sitting in a darkened theater watching some remarkably awkward acting.

In the end I was left with one last question: Was "Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!" really the best line they could come up with?

The verdict: It delivers the scenes we have been waiting for: Obi-Wan fighting Anakin on a volcanic planet. Palpatine finally revealed as the dark lord of the Sith to all those without deductive reasoning. The first breaths of Darth Vader as we have known him, and the return of James Earl Jones. Yet it also reminds us why the best of the Star Wars films was written and directed by someone else.

Better than Attack of the Clones, far better than Phantom Menace, nowhere near A New Hope or Empire Strikes Back, and very similar to Return of the Jedi in the feeling of completion.

Until later...