Have I Told You Lately That I Loathe You?

Surprisingly, I am not the first person to write a list of songs I hate. Fortunately, it's a big internet, and there's room for all our lists. I'll try to stick to at least relatively new and "popular" (i.e. overplayed) things. So without further ado, The Fount of Useless Information gives you songs I could really live without ever hearing again.

Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani: Sorry Gwen, there was already a cheerleader pop song, and Toni Basil did it better. You know what though, let's extend this ban to all music involving Gwen Stefani after Tragic Kingdom.

Incomplete by Backstreet Boys: Backstreet's back and it is most decidely not alright. They were not enjoyable to begin with, but you had to understand that they were a boy band and unable to make any decisions for themselves. Now there's just no excuse.

Lonely No More by Rob Thomas: "I don't wanna be lonely no more"? Rob, you apparently ditched your grasp of grammar when you ditched the rest of Matchbox Twenty.

She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5: This Love was cool in a strange, I feel like I'm back in the mid-90's sort of way, and the version of This Love produced by Kanye West was even better. Unfortunately, She Will Be Loved moved Maroon 5 into the warbling, falsetto melancholia that psuedo-rock pop that plagues the radio.

John Mayer and Gavin DeGraw (as well as several others like them): I understand that it is an impressive thing to be not only a singer but also a songwriter. I can recognize that is a talent, I am duly impressed. It still doesn't make me like their music, though.

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson: I dislike this song for the U in the title, for the fact that it's overplayed and the fact that it just isn't good. I admit that I watched American Idol the first couple of years. I even admit that I wanted Kelly to win that first year. This is not the Kelly anyone voted for. If I wanted angry girls singing pop music I'd listen Avril Lavigne. And on that note...

Any song ever sung by Avril Lavigne: When one must feud with Ashlee Simpson and Hillary Duff for publicity, it might be a sign that one is not able to get by on talent.

Candy Shop by 50 Cent: A rare song that manages to be remarkably juvenile and remarkably offensive at the same time, while thinking that it is actually erotic or seductive. To help with my case I present to you the lyrics of the chorus (As always with lyrics, if you are offended, don't blame me. I'm just here to present the information to you.)

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot

Just Lose It by Eminem: First of all it's just a rehash of many of his previous popular songs. You could just as easily read the track titles off the back of his earlier CDs and get the same effect. Second, who in their right mind ever thinks that impersonating Pee Wee Herman repeatedly in a song is a good idea? Apparently, the same person who thinks having the sounds of flatulence in the middle of a song is also a good idea.

Baby Mama by Fantasia: Is it insensitive to burst out laughing any time I hear this song? No? Good, because I doubt I could stop.

I'm sure there are plenty more that I've forgotten, but this will have to do for now.

Until later...