Two nights ago, it was BLT time for dinner (apologies to the following groups if they happen to be reading: vegetarians, anti-pig folks and my doctor). MK was preparing the bacon while I got other things ready. Open the fridge, take out the bread, you know...the strenuous stuff.
After removing some bacon from the pan, she poured the grease into a can so that it could harden somewhere other than the skillet before disposal. To make sure I didn't do anything stupid with the can (pick it up, knock it over, kick it), she decided to inform me of what she was doing. "Hey," she said, "just so you know, I've got a fat can right here."
You see, this is where we reach the dilemma. I had a wonderful opportunity to pretend to be spontaneously witty and make myself laugh. We all know I rarely pass up a chance to do that. On the other hand, there are some things you don't joke about, and the size of a woman's posterior is one of them. It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, the joke is off limits. Even if she did just say, "I have a fat can." Unless of course, you enjoy the feeling of hot bacon grease on your face.
Fortunately for me, after about 10 seconds of my pained indecision, she realized what she had said and started laughing. I took this as a good sign and laughed at the situation too. We both had a good laugh, and I didn't have to make the decision after all.
I never did make that joke though. I didn't want to press my luck.
Until later...
November 09, 2005
The Bacon Dilemma
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3 comments:
Sometimes it's hilarious what people can accidentally say, especially those people who we don't really want to offend gratuitously. I was out to lunch with some co-workers the other day and one of them was talking about his new cell phone, all fancy with the latest bells and whistles. Another guy responded that he preferred his old one because (and here's where his voice seemed to jump a few decibels) "it's small but it works just fine." I whipped my head around and gave him a funny look, and he said, "Oh, I guess I need to be careful how I say that." We all had a laugh.
Telling your wife she has a fat can is a sure way to not be allowed to enjoy that delicious BLT.
Even if she laughed at the joke herself, I'd have pretended I didn't understand what she was laughing at, then walked away until I finished my sandwich in peace.
When I was a kid, my dad used to quip, "I had this girlfriend once. They called her Crisco... cuz she was a little fat in the can."
High class, baby.
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