Life on the Pharm: Wordsmithing

As a new feature here on the Fount, we'll be providing occasional work stories. Nothing that will get me fired or even in trouble, just amusing things from my place of work. Since I have made no secret about working for a pharmaceutical company (it even says it in my profile on the sidebar), I have decided to name the new column "Life on the Pharm." Yes, it's a stupid joke, but it amuses me and, in the end, isn't that all that really matters?

Today's story has to do with the corporate speak. We seem to come up with overly complex ways to say relatively simple things. Let me give you a couple of examples.

We received a safety warning a couple of years ago about walking through areas in which construction was currently taking place. Rather than simply saying to stay out of these areas or suggesting that we pay attention to where we are going, the notice suggested that we make sure to "Observe the Signage" in these areas. So, we're supposed to read the signs and not walk through the construction area? Why couldn't they just say that? Seriously, "signage"? Who ever says "signage"? That's not to say it isn't acceptable. It's a real word and everything; go check your dictionary. Back yet? What was the definition? If your definition is anything like the one at m-w.com, it was pretty simple: signs.

Another example comes from my meeting this morning. I was in a conference room reviewing a document with about 10 other people. (No, the life of a pharmaceutical microbiologist is not nearly as glamorous as you'd think.) As we reviewed it, several people would point out flaws in the wording which made a section too ambiguous or implied something other than what was intended. The answer, whether from the author of the document or from one of the other participants, was typically to "add some verbage" to the section to clarify. First, verbage isn't actually a word. It's defined by dictionary.com as "an intentional misspelling and mispronunciation of verbiage" to make it similar to the word garbage. I highly doubt that all of the people using it knew this and intended this context. I could assume they were actually meaning "verbiage", but that is defined as "a profusion of words of little or obscure content", so it doesn't seem to fit either...or maybe it fits too well.

My least favorite has to be when a project is referred to as "resource non-constrained". This means that whatever resources are needed for said project will be provided. The utter stupidity of this phrase would be almost excusable if it weren't a complete lie. Whether this term is used in your place of business or not, I think we are all aware that this phrase and others like it really mean, "make progress or else."

I may be overly wordy, and my syntax and word choice may be questionable at times, but at least you now know that I have an excuse. I have to fight the urge to declare some of my postings "resource non-constrained" and stop doing anything else until I find the appropriate verbage to properly express my thoughts.

Until later...