I Was Born in a Small Town, And I Live in A Small Town

This may not have been exactly what Johnny Cougar John Cougar John Cougar Mellencamp John Mellencamp had in mind, but tonight I have a short story for you about the small town in which I currently reside.

First, let's meet the characters in our story. Me: Umm...me. The one writing this story. MK: My wife. I've talked about her. You've met her. She's got a blog. Drone: High school student employee of pizza place. Jaspare: Proprietor of pizza place.

I've decided to present this as a two act play for no real reason other than that it amuses me.

Act I

Int. House. Saturday around 1:00 pm. I am sitting downstairs at the computer desk MK is upstairs using her laptop.

MK: (via instant message) What are you doing?

Me: Nothing. Blogging. [Like any of you are surprised]

MK: Are you hungry?

Me: What are you making?

MK: Nothing. You?

Me: I'm not making anything.

MK: Do you want to order something?

Me: Sure. What do you want?

MK: Could you come upstairs so we can actually speak please?

Me: {sighs and goes upstairs}

Me: Well?

MK: Do you want pizza? We can order Jaspare's [Note: Jaspare's is one of two pizza places that can actually deliver to our house.]

Me: Sure. {sits down to look at menu and decide}

Act II

Int. bedroom. I have secluded myself because I refuse to talk on the phone with anyone else around.

Drone: Jaspare's Pizza. What can I do for you?

Me: Hi. I'd like to order a medium cheese pizza, an order of breadsticks and a two liter of Diet Pepsi.

Drone: Is that for carry out?

Me: For delivery if we can.

Drone: Actually, we stopped delivering.

Me: {thinking this is a permanent delivery stoppage} You stopped delivering?

Drone: Yeah, we stopped delivering at 1:00. Normally we stop later, but today we stopped at 1:00.

Me: {confused} Oh...ok...

Drone: Yeah, Jaspare's getting his hair cut this afternoon, so we stopped early.

Me: Oh, right. Ok. {acting as if this is a completely normal conversation} I'll just pick it up then.

Drone: Give us about 15 minutes.

Curtain.

Epilogue: Jaspare was back from his hair cut by the time I got there to pick up the pizza. Unfortunately, I was too much of an introvert (read: chicken) to comment on it.

So John, you may have been born in a small town, and you may be able to breathe in a small town, but you can't get a pizza delivered in a small town unless you work around the owner's hair appointments.

Until later...