And Smiled in Her Special Way

It's funny how you can go for so long without hearing a song and then when you hear it all sorts of memories come rushing back. Recently, I walked into a restaurant and the sound system was playing a song I had not only hadn't heard, but hadn't thought about in many years: "Who's Johnny" by El DeBarge.

Not only has this forced the song to be stuck in my head for the past few weeks, but it has also made me remember the movie that inspired the song. I hadn't thought about Short Circuit in so long that I had forgotten how much I loved it as a kid. I realize now that it wasn't a great movie. In fact it may even have been bad, but that didn't matter to the 10-year old me. Wisecracking robots making pop culture references and ogling Ally Sheedy in the bathtub were cinematic perfection back then.

Unfortunately, this line of thought also reminded me of the sequel they made. I may have still been a kid, but that sequel was bad enough that even back then, I knew that movie sucked.

But let's not dwell on the bad things. Instead let us remember the original with it's quality comedic lines. "Hey laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower."

Now Is The Winter of Are Discontent

I'm not a grammar cop. I don't even play one on TV. In fact, I ignore a lot of things because it's just not worth the effort, and I realize that I make all kinds of mistakes as well. However, there are some things I just cannot stand. They drive me absolutely insane. The biggest one has to do with the first person plural possessive pronoun. That's right. "Our"

I realize that many people are going to pronounce this many different ways, but it remains the same word. No matter how you decide to say it, it is our. Over the past several years, I have seen more and more occasions when the word "our" is replaced in writing by the word "are." I won't argue with you if you pronounce it like that. I won't correct you if you don't know the difference between who and whom or good and well. I won't get upset with you for ignoring the words "to be" after the word "need" in a sentence. (The dogs need fed. The floor needs mopped.) I won't even complain if you decide to leave your preposition dangling out in the wind. (I'm looking at you people from Wisconsin who say "Would you like to go with?") But if I have to see one more sentence that says something like "Try Are Carwashes!!!" I'm gonna turn into Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

Trivial Tuesday

Before I give you this week's question, a brief message: If you participate in Trivial Tuesday and still need more of a trivia fix, check out The Trivia Exchange. It's updated every week with a new quiz and is a lot of fun. She does an excellent job of coming up with really great questions each week. Now go participate...right after you answer this question.

The category for this week: Geographic Superlatives.

As I was watching the World Cup, I was surprised by the sizes of some of the countries involved. For example the country of Trinidad & Tobago has only 1.3 million people. I thought about asking for the countries with the lowest population in the world, but that would be a little too difficult. Instead let's discuss the largest populations. There are only 2 countries with over a billion people and 3 with over 250 million, but how many have over 100 million people? (All numbers as of July 2005)

Bonus points for naming the countries with over 100 million and double bonus points if you can list the ten most populated countries, in order.

Usual rules apply. Answer correctly and win the respect of your peers. (but nothing else)

Update: There are 11 countries with over 100 million people. They are (in descending order): China, India, United States, Indonesia, Brazil, Pakistan, Russia, Bangladesh, Nigeria, Japan and Mexico.

Bit O' Conversation

Heard this weekend at our house:

"What? So they just misplaced Grandma?"

Misplacing relatives is bad...especially when they are in an urn.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden D.I.Y.

With the arrival of the first summer after purchasing a house, we've been spending a lot of time at Home Depot. I've never really loved going to home improvement stores since the entire store is one big reminder of everything you need to do instead of enjoying your life. If the amount of time spent in the store and on projects inspired by the store are not enough, I can always worry about the money spent on all those projects. Each aisle we turn down rings with the sound of a cash register total growing exponentially. With visions of six-foot long receipts dancing in my head, I struggle to remain calm. Since I can't apply Homer's advice to Bart when he was sent to fat camp ("Leave your body. Become emotionally dead."), I have to find a different way to cope.

As I stroll from aisle to aisle, I look at the various things we could purchase and wonder how useful they would be if someone were to suddenly attack me in the middle of Home Depot. Would this shovel be of more use than the 4-pound sledgehammer? It's as if I'm choreographing a really bad Jackie Chan movie.^1.

I'm not sure who these people are or why they would be attacking me, but I know they can't have guns, otherwise all of my potential weapons would be useless. I do think I've figured out most of the hierarchy for Home Depot self-defense, though. The rules are simply that the item must be able to be pulled off the shelf and used as is. That means no looking for a second piece, nothing gas-powered and no searching for an electrical outlet.

• Garden Hoses: It might be tempting to use these if you wanted to go all Indy Jones on somebody, but it's also a safe bet that it's gonna kink up right when you need it. Without the proper training the hose is probably going to come back and hit you in the face instead of striking your attacker.



• Pitchforks: Great if you want to be a cartoon devil or appear in the painting American Gothic. Otherwise, too boring and not enough reach.



• Sledgehammers: Even if you get one of the lighter weight hammers, it's still going to be pretty slow with a short reach. As long as you're dealing with something with a minute-long reaction time, it will help. Basically, if the store is overrun with zombies, this is your weapon of choice, but if ninjas attack you while you're looking for potting soil, you're gonna need something else.



• Axes, Hatchets, etc.: Sure they can be deadly, but at the store they usually have covers over the sharp parts and they aren't interesting or stylish enough for this type of highly choreographed fight.



• Nail Guns: At first glance, this seems like the ultimate Home Depot weapon, but unfortunately it doesn't make it past some of the earlier rules. It needs to be loaded, it needs power, etc. It's just not an off the shelf, grab it and fight thing. The fight would be over before you got the first shot off.



• The Gigantic Metal Pole in the Lawn and Garden Section That Resembles Nothing So Much as a Huge Railroad Spike: It's six feet long, wrought iron and has a nasty looking point at one end. I'm not sure what it's used for other than to start the whole "could this be a weapon" line of thinking. Maybe it's for getting rid of moles, voles and groundhogs. While it's probably pretty slow and heavy to wield, it would be still be useful. It's especially good if you're someone who's good with a bo staff.



• High Powered Flashlights (Batteries Included): Only useful if you're being attacked by Mothra.



• The Umbrella from the Patio Furniture Set: A long pointy weapon that can double as a really wide shield when you open it up. A great choice all around. Plus, no sunburn.



• Garden Weasel: I know what you're saying. It's a harmless implement for breaking up soil in the garden. I say look again. It's a five foot long stick with rows of interlocking spikes at the end. You could hold off the entire home improvement ninja horde with that thing.

What would be your weapon of choice? I mean, I can't be the only one thinking about this, right? Right? I think I need to get professional help.

^1. I now need to revise the list to determine what would be most effective for destroying Blogger. I had just about finished this post and then the whole thing crashed. I didn't worry, because Blogger has a recover post button. Unfortunately, less than half the post was recovered and I had to rewrite the rest.

Trivial Tuesday

It's Tuesday and therefore time for trivia once again. Since I had fire extinguisher training recently, I'll use that as inspiration. Most fires are broken up into four main classes: A, B, C and D. Class D fires are flammable metals, which will serve as our category today.

What flammable metal used in some fireworks and flares has a common mineral form that shares a similar name and pronounciation with a 1975 blaxploitation film featuring a kung-fu fighting pimp?

The usual rules apply. Remember, the race goes not to the swift, but to the swift and correct.

Update: Congrats to MC Etcher, the first to say that it was magnesium. Also congrats go out to Many Manifestos for giving us dolomite, the connection between a mineral form of magnesium and a movie about a pimp (the mineral is dolomite, the movie is Dolemite).

On Steel Chairs and Bad Haircuts

We heard an ad on the radio recently for a live WWE wrestling event coming to our town. Never one to let things go without comment, I suggested that we go, leading to this conversation.

"Can we go to that?"

"Umm. No."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"No, I don't think it would be."

"We could wear mullet wigs."

"Sure and I can wear a white tank top and some low-riding pants that don't fit me."

"See, that's what I'm saying. It'll be great."

"And we can black out some of your teeth."

"Sure I'll be like that guy we saw on AFV the other day. The one that pulled his last tooth with his bow and arrow."