The Super Bowl XL Running Diary

It's Super Bowl time again, so I'm trying a running diary again. Everyone will update you on the game itself, so I'll update on just about everything else with a few football notes added in. This event isn't just about football, it's about Pop Culture. Here at The Fount of Useless Information, we believe that pop culture is culture, too.

I'll talk about anything that catches my attention, especially any new ads. Ads (but not movie trailers) will get a rating of 1-10 based on if I liked them. You can disagree, but that probably just means you're wrong. Ready? Here we go.

6:01 - To celebrate the 40th anniversary, we introduce the former Super Bowl MVPs. Seeing them all listed makes me realize: There are some pretty forgettable guys in that group. So in all 40 years, are there no dead MVPs or are we just discretely skipping over them?

6:04 - The MVPs from the Steelers Super Bowls get a huge reception. This might as well be a home game for Pittsburgh tonight.

6:05 - MVP of SB III, Joe Namath. He manages to walk out without telling anyone "I wanna kiss you." Good job, Joe.

6:06 - A McDonalds ad with a hamster that wants to be an NFL mascot. Umm...what? 3/10

6:07 - Lots and lots of men are chasing a Full Throttle energy drink truck. "Let your man out." Should I feel less secure in my masculinity because I don't care about Full Throttle? 3/10

6:09 - Seattle comes out of the tunnel to "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. Odd choice. (But appropriate, as it turns out.)

6:13 - Please rise for the National Anthem sung by...(Please let it be Carl Lewis. Please let it be Carl Lewis.)...Aaron Neville and Aretha Franklin. Aww, man.

6:14 - Neville sounds pretty bad, but at least Aretha doesn't have to worry about working hard to make sure she shows up her singing partner.

6:15 - An ad for Click. It looks like typical Adam Sandler, but I'd gladly go see someone get hit in the head with a baseball.

6:16 - It's not new, but I love this Tostito's ad. "That would never fly in the corporate world."

6:16 - In a Pizza Hut ad, Jessica Simpson moves on from Nick to adolescent boys. That's how she gets all her sales anyway. 2/10

6:18 - Harrison Ford reads "Oh The Places You'll Go" in the Super Bowl intro. Take the earring out and get to work on Indy 4, Harrison.

6:22 - Why is Tom Brady out here for the coin toss? Can the NFL not have one game without him?

6:26 - I hate the intros with the players themselves telling you their names and schools. People give names that aren't theirs and fake schools. If they are going to do this, they should at least have Michael Vick introduce himself as Ron Mexico.

6:32 - Bud Light ad where an employee hid beer around the office like Easter eggs. Funny. 7/10

6:33 - Whopperettes ad for Burger King, concluding with a creepy dogpile to form a Whopper. Do they fight over who has to be the onion? 4/10

6:36 - They just mentioned that Ben Roethlisberger took over for Tommy Maddox last year. It's a big deal to take over the starting job from an XFL vet.

6:39 - Sierra Mist ad. They aren't funny normally. Kathy Griffin, less funny. 1/10

6:39 - Bud Light ad with the "magic fridge". They're 2 for 2. 8/10

6:41 - With Roethlisberger, von Oelhoffen, Polamalu, Hasselbeck and Tatupu this is the greatest collection of last names in Super Bowl history.

6:45 - The more I see of Matt Hasselbeck and his hairline, the more I think he is a lot like Jeff Garcia would be if he were straight and not 5 years past his prime.

6:47 - Fed Ex ad with cavemen and messenger pterodactyl. Clever and funny. 8/10

6:48 - Bud Light ad with two guys getting chased by a bear. Would be more amusing if I didn't see Grizzly Man on the Discovery Channel last night and didn't have the thought of two people who were actually killed by a bear fresh in my mind.

6:51 - V for Vendetta. Great trailer, but the bald Portman still bugs me.

6:52 - Diet Pepsi ad with Jay Mohr and (P.) Diddy. That's two strikes right away. Besides, I feel like Diet Pepsi as a musical artist would be a lot like Kevin Federline. 2/10

6:59 - Seattle scores first, which isn't amusing, so I'll point out that their kicker looks like a 12 year old boy.

7:00 - Ameriquest continues the "Don't Judge Too Quickly" ad campaign from last year, and it's still funny. 8/10

7:01 - More Bud Light ads. Guys pretend to work on the roof to hang out, grill and drink beer. All wives, please don't believe this. If we claim to be working, we are. Don't check on our progress. Everything is under control. 6/10

7:04 - Another Diet Pepsi ad. This time Diet Pepsi does a Jackie Chan movie and uses Diet Coke as a stunt double. Funnier than the last one. 4/10

7:05 - Trailer for Cars. Pixar films are always enjoyable so I'm looking forward to this.

7:05 - Dancing with the Stars. How much do they have to pay these people to humiliate themselves like this?

7:10 - A bald guy in the stands is wearing a Hasselbeck jersey. I was planning to make a joke about the similarities but Al Michaels already did. Is the joke too obvious if the sportscaster beats you to it?

7:12 - A continuation of Budweiser's Clydesdales playing football ads. All the animals are watching and a newly shorn sheep runs out onto the field. "Streaker" Hilarious. 9/10

7:17 - The Career Builder chimps are back. I really wish they weren't. 2/10

7:18 - That Escalade ad with all the models coming out of the water was just weird. 1/10

7:20 - Trailer for Mission:Impossible 3, or as they are promoting it: M:I:III. Could we have more letters possibly?

7:21 - The Dove Self-Esteem Fund. Helping girls feel better about themselves. Also helping Cyndi Lauper feel better about herself by using "True Colors".

7:22 - There's a new show on ABC with Orlando Jones, whose career peaked when he was the 7-UP guy, and that dude from Silk Stalkings. Do I even need to make a joke?

7:26 - Chris Berman does play by play of The Shaggy Dog. Painful. Very painful.

7:26 - Kermit the Frog in a Ford Escape Hybrid ad. Cute...ish. 5/10

7:27 - Michelob Light coed football game ad. Unexpected turn and very amusing. 7/10

7:29 - It's bad that you have to risk injury when you play football. It's really bad when people pull your pants down and talk about your groin on TV. That's the definition of adding insult to injury.

7:35 - Godaddy.com ad. They weren't funny last year and they aren't funny now. 1/10

7:38 - Poseidon. I've always wished there were more disaster movies and remakes.

7:39 - Gilette introduces a 5-blade razor. When will someone just invent a 30-blade razor and really raise the stakes?

7:40 - Pittsburgh scores and all 5 Seattle fans in the stadium are bummed.

7:41 - I'm sick of the Overstock woman and the innuendo of the ads.

7:48 - Listing sponsors, Al Michaels mentions Diet Pepsi and has to say, "Brown & Bubbly." I wonder if he hates this part of his job.

7:54 - It's halftime, and I'd like to take this moment to ponder those lime green stripes on the Seahawks uniforms. Did they look at them and say, "Light blue, dark blue, white and black. What wouldn't go with this color scheme at all?" This isn't even a close to a normal color. Those stripes are neon green like the laces of my Chuck Taylors in the mid-80's. What? Like your taste in the 80's was any better.

7:56 - Sprint cell phone ad. "My phone has crime deterrent." 8/10

8:05 - ABC promotes Lost with a Robert Palmer parody. "Might as well face it you're addicted to Lost." Clever and true.

8:06 - Confession. The Rolling Stones are out for halftime and I'm really upset that I wasted a perfectly good zombie joke at last year's McCartney halftime show. Can't someone inform me of these things ahead of time?

8:10 - Mick wants to know if everyone is doing alright. Your audience is at the Super Bowl and gets to see the Rolling Stones as an added bonus, so I think you can assume they're doing pretty well, Mick.

8:19 - Somebody has to say it, and it might as well be me: The Stevie Wonder pre-game performance was a lot better than the Stones.

8:21 - My local station just reminded me that I'm watching the Super Bowl. That's good. I wasn't sure if it was actually the Winter Olympics.

8:33 - Pittsburgh scores and the 5 Seahawks fans are upset that they can't blame this one on the refs. (Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to tonight's running joke.)

8:35 - Sharpie Retractable ad. Amusing and pirates are always cool. 6/10

8:42 - A young clydesdale wants to pull the Budweiser wagon and his parents help. Kinda cute. 6/10

8: 43 - Nationwide ad with Fabio suddenly turning old. That was just scary. 5/10

8:50- People are wearing biohazard suits to prevent the spread of bacteria. PS. Practical Solution. Sorta funny, sorta odd. 5/10

8:54 - After an interception, Seattle scores, sending 4 of their 5 fans in the stands into hysterics.

8:55 - More Career Builder chimps. It's getting old. 1/10

8:55 - Taco Bell Crunchwrap guy makes a connection with nerdy girl over Spandau Ballet's "True." 6/10

9:01 - For the second time this game the Seattle trainers have had a player remove his pants. Apparently, they're hiring defrocked priests.

9:02 - Another movie trailer. Anthony Hopkins in The World's Fastest Indian. So, first he was a black man, now he's Indian? Sir Anthony has some interesting heritage.

9:15 - Sprint again. A guy has downloaded a song for everything. His couch is on fire and he plays the "Benny Hill" theme song. Not as funny. 6/10

9:23 - Degree ad in "Stunt City". Pretty stupid, actually. 1/10

9:24 - Emerald Nuts expands on it's campaign from lasts year. Good but not great. 7/10

9:28 - The Steelers run a trick play for a touchdown and 2 of those 5 Seattle fans just left to beat the rush.

9:30 - MacGuyver Mastercard ad. That was genius. 8/10

9:40 - From here on out, it's just gonna be Bettis getting the ball and running out the clock.

9:55 - Last new ad of the night. It's for Outback, and it's just dumb. What a waste.

9:59 - Last chance for Seattle...and they're still alive for the moment.

10:02- But not anymore. The 3 remaining Seahawk fans are rushing out so they don't have to see the Lombardi trophy presentation.

10:04 - I don't work for the NFL. They can't fine me, so I'll go ahead and say that this was a horribly officiated game. It's supposed to be your leagues big showcase. You should make sure your refs get things right.

So, the game was good but not great. The ads were mostly meh, with some good, but none that will be classics. My favorite ads of the night: Sprint's "Crime Deterrent", Budweiser's "Streaker" and Fed Ex's "Cavemen" ad. It's past time for me to go to bed, so it's not exactly getting much in the way of proofreading. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm too tired to care.

Until later...