That's Famous Titles

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we went to Chicago recently. While we did visit family and eat at good restaurants, the reason for this visit (at least, the reason for going at this particular time) was because I was making a fool of myself trying to get on Jeopardy. Yeah, that's right, I still am holding on to that delusion.

I had mentioned previously that I had taken the online test and didn't figure it was good enough to go any further in the process. It wasn't, but after 12 months have passed, you can take the test again. I did, and this time either I did better than I realized or everyone else taking the test just sucked. (I prefer to assume the former.) I got an email back asking for me to come to an audition in person. I, of course, very quickly cleared my schedule (of nothing) and confirmed that I would be attending.


When I arrived for the audition, there were approximately twenty of us waiting for the earlier session to end. After completing our paperwork, and having our pictures taken (I did not want to have that picture taken, and yet if I got my way, I'd end up on TV...that really doesn't make sense, but I suppose I rarely do.), we went into the main room where we were introduced to the people who would be running the session. All of them were incredibly friendly and made us feel very comfortable. They briefly took us through some of the types of clues we should expect and gave us a chance to show that we knew how to answer them. Unlike when you were in school and getting someone to answer a question was next to impossible, the clue would not even be complete and an entire room full of Martin Princes were raising there hands saying, "Pick me teacher. I'm ever so smart!" Once we had this down, it was time for another test. We had all done well enough on the online test, but to narrow us down even further, there were 50 more questions and only 8 seconds to answer each one. After finishing the test, we went up in groups of three to play a very brief version of the actual game. After a few clues, they asked us questions about ourselves to see how we handled them and to see if we were so boring that people would fall asleep or change the channel if we make it to the show.

So, how did I do? Well, I think I did ok on the test and while playing, but let's face it if you're here reading this, you are pretty well aware that I'm a fairly boring individual and I don't have much I can say about myself that would be worth talking about on TV (which brings up a question: if you're aware of how boring I am, why are you still reading this?). Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how I feel I did because I don't get to make the decisions. At the moment, I know nothing and get to wait for 18 months to find out if I did well enough to be on the show or if I should just try the test again. I guess in the end it turns out that auditioning for Jeopardy is a lot like dating: There's a lot of waiting for the phone to ring, a lot of hoping that someone else thinks you are good enough, it's going to include a little humiliation and it's probably going to end in disappointment.

We'll Get Wild, Wild, Wild

This is a conversation I like to imagine happening around 1983 or so between the members of the band Quiet Riot.

Band Member: All right guys, this new single is gonna cement our place in rock history.

Rest of band: Yeah!

Band Member: Cum on Feel the Noize is going to be a song people rock to for a long time to come!

Rest of Band: Yeah!

Band Member: And in another 25 years, it will be used to advertise french fries!

Rest of Band: Yeah--Wha??

Topolobampo

We went to Chicago last weekend (more on the why later), and while we were there we went to eat at Topolobampo (one of the restaurants owned by Rick Bayless the host of Mexico: One Plate at a Time). We had eaten at Frontera a few years ago, but this was our first visit to the more "upscale" Topolobampo. The atmosphere, service and food were wonderful.

Here's a quick rundown of what we had. (Descriptions lifted from the online menu at the restaurant website and slightly blurry pictures taken in low light with a cameraphone.)

I started out with the Sopa Azteca (not pictured, because we didn't think to start taking pictures until our entrees arrived.): dark broth flavored with pasilla, with grilled chicken, avocado, Meadow Valley Farm hand-made Jack cheese, thick cream and crisp tortilla strips.

I can say without hyperbole that it was one of the best if not the best soup I have ever had.

I ordered the Puerco Pibil: achiote-marinated Maple Creek Farm pork two ways: grill-roasted loin and slow-cooked shoulder in banana leaves. Guero chile rajas, black barley, habanero-dressed "shoots" salad, pickled red onions.



while Melissa had the Langosta al Mojo de Ajo: pan-roasted Maine lobster with red chile mojo de ajo (olive oil-poached garlic). Giant butter beans, roasted fresh favas and "ancho crunch."



For dessert I can't simply steal the names and descriptions of what we had from the website because the dessert menu isn't online, so you're stuck with what I remember (which is certainly not the names since they were in Spanish).

My dessert was a chocolate-almond cake with caramel/cashew ice cream and Melissa's was a rhubarb tartlet with coconut ice cream.



When we left, we did see Rick Bayless in the restaurant talking with some friends, but decided not to get the cameraphone out to take an intrusive picture. We had a good time and enjoyed the food, and I personally really look forward to going to Frontera or Topolobampo again.

That's Infotainment!

I've learned a lot of things from watching infomercials over the years. They all rely on a simple marketing trick in which one takes a supposed situation which is a minor inconvenience at worst and presents it as a problem desperate for a solution. The original situation is shown along with the horrific consequences, then the new and glorious solution is shown with evidence that all consequences are gone. With that in mind, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. For years, Melissa and I have been discussing our great "As Seen on TV" idea and just how we would plan the infomercial.

Picture it: Sicily, 19...Wait. Sorry, I was reading from the wrong script.† Ok, let's try again.

Voiceover Guy: Has this ever happened to you? You settle in with your favorite drink and some Cheetos٭ in your chair in front of the TV. It's just you, your snacks and the game. You reach in, grab a handful of Cheetos and begin shoving them into your cavernous maw.

*We see our decidedly below-average Joe doing just that*

A few handfuls later, you wonder what's going on in the game on the other channel. You grab the remote, flip channels and, as you set it down, realize: Oh no! Everything is covered in Cheeto dust!

*Shot of remote with orange fingerprints.*

Frustrated, you look down at your hand and realize that what was once your hand is now encased in a Cheeto Glove.

*Shot of hand covered in more orange-colored, cheese-flavored coating than an entire bag of Cheetos could contain. *

Now your troubles are over thanks to this revolutionary new invention. No more reaching into the bag, only to come out with a disgusting mess.

*Clip of a woman reaching into a bag. She pulls her hand out, and it is covered in colored flavor dust from the bag. Close in on her face as she looks down at her hand, frowns and shakes her head in disgust.*

With our new patented SnackTongs!™ you get the all the flavor with none of the mess.

*Clip continues as the woman uses SnackTongs!™ to reach into the bag, pull out a single Cheeto and eat it. A face shot again as she looks at her clean hand, smiles and gives the camera a big "yes" head nod.*

That's right, your days of messy snacking are over. The revolutionary SnackTongs!™ can be yours for only 3 easy payments of $9.99‡. No more worries while eating Cheetos,

*Shot of a bag of Cheetos with a big red X over it.*

Doritos,

*Shot of a bag of Doritos with a big red X over it.*

Powdered Donuts,

*Shot of a bag of powdered donuts with a big red X over it.*

Mustard Flavored Pretzel Snacks,

*Shot of a bag of mustard flavored pretzels with a big red X over it.*

and so many other delicious snacks.

*Shot of all of the bags.*

Call or log on now and we'll double your order! That's 2 sets of SnackTongs!™, a $700.00 value, for only three easy payments of $9.99‡.

*Insert section with "inventor" discussing the importance of SnackTongs!™ and eating various fingerfoods with them in front of "studio audience."*

And if you call in the next 15 minutes, we'll knock off one of your payments! That's right. We're giving you two sets of the amazing SnackTongs!™ , worth over $800.00, for two, that's just two, low, low payments of $9.99‡. Don't miss out. Operators are standing by.

†Sorry. Those of you wanting to read my Golden Girls fanfic script will just have to wait for another time.

٭I realize that if we were to actually make this infomercial, we couldn't use Cheetos. We'd use a non-branded cheese flavored corn snack. If we tried to use Cheetos, Frito-Lay would sick Chester on us so fast we wouldn't know what hit us. Except that we would, because it was really fast, and therefore likely a cheetah.

‡Plus $349.99 Shipping and Handling. Offer not valid in Texas, Nebraska, Hawaii, Alaska, Iowa, New York, New Jersey, California, Rhode Island, Illinois, Michigan, Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia, or outside of United States. Sorry Canadians, but you have to eat your mauve-colored Ketchup chips with your hands.

What's Happening Now?

We just got back from seeing the newest M. Night Shyamalan movie, The Happening. I'll try to discuss it without spoilers to begin with, but any full discussion will require some spoilers. I'll give warning before I get to that point, though.

As the movie begins, there is something happening. I know this because they tell us repeatedly. In fact, it appears to be an event that's happening. Whatever this event is, it seems to make people stop talking, walk backwards and then commit suicide. The movie follows Elliot, a science teacher played by Marky Mark, and his wife, played by Zooey Deschanel, as they try to escape from whatever it is that's happening.

The first problem is that the acting highlight of the film is Marky Mark. John Leguizamo? Really bad. Zooey Deschanel? Simply horrible; her emotions never changes throughout the entire film, and I don't even know what to call the one she shows. Even if the delivery were better, I'm not sure it could have saved the dialogue they were required to say. There are times when you watch a movie and you realize that it just isn't connecting with the audience emotionally. This was certainly one of those times. Mass suicide: not supposed to be funny. When there are touching scenes involving families being torn apart or people dealing with loss, the audience should feel touched.

That's not to say it's all bad. There were moments in the movie, that really worked. Here and there, I felt the tension that we were supposed to feel the whole time or
could see the way he was building toward something or was surprised by developments. Unfortunately, these few moments were not enough to balance out the others. I had a good time going to the theater and watching it, but it doesn't change the fact that this really was not a good movie.

Now, to things that can only be discussed with spoilers. Those of you who haven't seen it and don't want to be spoiled, should probably stop now. (and since I don't know what people will say in the comments, you might want to avoid those too)


A little spoiler safe space...



Really, that is our big bad guy in this movie? Plants? This idea is fairly bad on its own, but it is made even worse by some of the things it causes. Trying to "stay ahead of the wind." I know chase scenes seem obligatory in movies like this, but running from the wind?

The video of the zoo keeper feeding himself to the lions, in addition to being just awful looking (to the point that most of the theater laughed at it), didn't make much sense. So, the zoo keeper was affected by the toxin, but no one else around him was or most people were, but one person was not affected and decided to record it with their camera phone and send it to everyone else? Wasn't anyone in a panic and trying not to die, yet? Apparently, not enough to keep them from sending this new really cool video they saw.

I was definitely caught off guard by the people shooting the two boys with Elliot. The idea of the panic that was caused and that people would turn against each other, while not breaking new ground, was one of the better and better executed ideas in the movie.

One thing that did work well were many of the sequences in Mrs. Jones's house. Specifically, when Elliot was trying to find her and came upon the room with the doll. That scene was Shyamalan really playing to his strength and slowly building tension. Unfortunately, it had almost nothing to do with the actual story.

One of the worst things about the film is that many of the best things about the film were the comic relief scenes. Unfortunately, there was not enough tension to make us need that relief.

After seeing Unbreakable, Signs and The Village (I have yet to see Lady in the Water), I was one of the people who defended the movies. When people pointed out their flaws, I said, sure but what about this scene or this idea, always focusing on the positive aspects. After seeing The Happening, I think my days as apologist are over.

The Mini Shopping Cart

You may have noticed over the past few years that the grocery stores have become overrun with these.






This smaller version of the standard shopping cart seems to be have something to say on behalf of the person using it. "What do you take me for," it says, "some kind of full-cart-pushing consumerist?"

Note that this particular cart contains reusable bags, as if the shoppers are all prepared to go through the store carefully selecting their organic produce and handful of other items, which cannot possibly be placed into those wasteful plastic bags, before strolling back out to the parking lot and loading the groceries in their hybrid car. Wait a second...

Hmm...Have you ever thought it would be a good idea to poke fun at something and then realized that you're mocking your own life? Yeah, me either.<sup>*

*</sup>I guess my real point here is that looks can be deceiving...even when they are absolutely right.

Half a Dozen of The Other

I've been supposed to do this meme (from Srah) for a little while now. The problem is I just don't know what to write. The premise is fairly simple: Write six random things about you. What do you not already know that I am willing to let you know? I guess, we'll find out.

1. I hate the word supper. Seriously hate it. I'm not sure if it's the double P which causes the middle portion of the word to sound like a breathy whisper regardless of the volume at which one is speaking or if it is that is sounds like something a pretentious windbag would say to ensure that you realize his meals are finer and more sophisticated than yours.

2. I love infomercials. I think that they combine complete absurdity with marketing genius. There will be more on this eventually, because I started writing a post (quite a while ago) about it that I hope I will one day have the time to finish.

3. I don't know that I've ever had a conversation with anyone that I didn't already have mentally. Before I talk to someone I think about every possible variation of their responses and what my responses would be based on that and so on and so forth. This means that conversations with a doctor are preceded by my mental version of the conversation in which the doctor tells me everything from "you're a hypochondriac" or "we all feel like that all the time" to "you have only days to live" or "you need to be committed" depending on the problem we're discussing. (Ok, maybe saying it's every conversation I have is an exaggeration, but it's going on up there pretty much non-stop.)

4. Urban legends that I heard early in life have had a lasting impact on me. It doesn't matter if I know it's not true, they have been permanently ingrained in my mind and effect how I think. Every time I am driving at night and a the lights of a car behind me become brighter (whether it is because of a change in angle or because their brights are on) I think of this. I'm not saying that I believe anybody's there; I'm just saying that story is always there at the back of my mind.



5. I hate the issues caused by effect/affect. It's not as if you can just rely on the rule that effect is the noun and affect is the verb. Nor can you assume that affect really only is used in relation to emotion. The rules get all mixed up until something affecting you can have an effect or something can effect a specific affect on a person, though that second one is a bit of a stretch. In speech, I tend to avoid the issue by essentially pronouncing them both the same way, which comes out sounding more like uh-ffect than either of them. Unfortunately, when I write, I tend to avoid the issue by writing one followed by the other then changing it back and forth until I decide to use impact, result or some other synonym as well. Can't we all just agree to make them into one word with a single spelling?



6. While many people won't even recognize his name, I think that Maurice LaMarche is one of the most talented people in the entertainment industry. The sheer number of voices he has done is overwhelming, and he manages to do both characters that require him to sound like someone else and characters that give him the freedom to create an entirely new voice. Combined with his talent for comedic timing and intonation, this makes him a memorable actor even if you never see him.

Photo Meme

Is there anyone other than me that hasn't done this yet?

The concept:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste the html into your blog or Flickr stream.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What do you fear most?
12. One Word to describe you.
**************************************
My Answers:

Next Food Network Star s4ep1

Did anyone else watch The Next Food Network Star last night? I'm not at all surprised by the first person to get kicked off. She had the weakest background and (surprisingly, considering her background) she completely froze every time she was asked to speak. She's not the one I wanted to talk about, however. The woman named Lisa was so bad that by the end of the episode, we were making estimates about how long it would be before someone actually comes out and says that they hate her and whether it will actually happen before she is off the show. If she doesn't change the way she acts, neither of those will take very long. Now, maybe this is not her true personality (and I hope it's not), but rather just her on-air personality which needs to be seriously readjusted. The problem is that, as we saw her last night, she represents everything I dislike about the culinary world^*. She talked down to hosts, judges and other contestants and certainly seemed to think that she was doing everyone a favor by being in the competition. I was really surprised that anyone could start off on the show being that pretentious, arrogant and abrasive. I guess we'll see what happens as the season progresses. There seem to be some people with potential this season, but we really won't start to see who stands out for a few more weeks.

Also, how weird is it that not only is there a contestant that is 19 years old, but he was a cast member on the Nickelodeon show All That?

^*Yeah, file that one under "posts I'm eventually going to write...No, really. I am."