Meme Time Is Here

Since Mikey decided to tag me with this meme (a week ago), I suppose I have to post something now. The meme is simple, list 5 things about myself that you don't know. The problem I have is what am I willing to tell you that I haven't already? I guess we'll find out.

1. When I was in grad school, there were several occasions where I spent a good bit of time in a dark room to expose and develop x-ray film for Southern blots. It turns out that if you leave all alone in a pitch black room for a while, my mind starts deciding all sorts of things. Things like that there was another person in the room and if I was still enough and listened closely I could here them, or that there was a crazy killer rampaging through the halls killing everyone else and he wouldn't find me as long as I didn't make any noise. I never believed these things, they were just thoughts that popped into my head for a moment before being pushed out by logic, but I take them as evidence that my mind is broken and shouldn't be allowed too much time on its own. (As an aside, I found out after working in the dark for a while one day that if you pull out one of the cardboard spacers that are between the pieces of x-ray film and try to expose and develop it, it doesn't work too well.)

2. When I was young, I hated school so much that I would often play sick so that I could stay home. I refused to lie about how sick I was, so I would occasionally gag myself with my finger so that I would throw up and then I could say that I had thrown up and not have to lie. You have to love that logic: I won't lie and say I threw up when I didn't, but it's perfectly ok to ignore the fact that it was self-induced.

3. If I'm not good at something, I tend to try to be funny instead. For example, observe these Christmas cookies from 2001. I can make the cookies just fine, but when it comes time to decorate them, my attempts at nice looking cookies end up looking like 3rd grade art projects (I apologize to any third graders who are offended by being compared to me.), so I decided to be humorous. That's how I end up with stocking cookies turned into gold-toe dress socks,



and gingerbread men in prison jumpsuits



or gingerbread men wearing wife-beaters (complete with tattoos).



I figure that if I'm goofy enough no one will be paying attention to the fact that I'm not very good.

4. I don't write this blog to become popular (which is good, because I'd be a complete failure), but when I see year end blog awards, I kind of wish I could have as many people interested in what I have to say as they do.

5. I have a tendency to get songs stuck in my head, like just about everyone else. The main difference is that when a song is stuck in my head I tend to sing it to the dogs, complete with new, dog-centric lyrics. Sure the lyrics are repetitive and I'm a complete dope, but how many of your pets have songs about them? That's what I thought.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to baking Christmas cookies. (What? Have I not told you that I'm always running late? I guess I should have made that #6.)

Trivial Tuesday

Sadly, the world has lost legendary animator Joseph Barbera, of Hanna-Barbera fame. His first collaboration with William Hanna was on a short called "Puss Gets the Boot." This was actually the first Tom and Jerry cartoon; however, those were not their original names. What less famous monikers did the cat and mouse first have?

Last Minute Shopping Tips

I'm short on time, but long on advice today. I've got other posts bouncing around in my head, but things are too rushed to deal with most of them just yet. (The best part¹ of that is that the reason I'm busy has less to do with holiday preparation than with work items that fall under "must be completed by the end of the month" or "by the end of the year", both of which are the same thing now.)

As you rush out to do all of your shopping (because I'm sure that you, like me, have been procrastinating and will find yourself paying $700 in shipping to send a toy that cost $15.95 and make sure it is there by Christmas) remind yourself of the O. Henry story, "The Gift of the Magi." For those of you who have forgotten², the story deals with a couple for whom money is scarce, but who wish to show their love through presents. Jim sells his watch to buy combs for Della's hair, and Della sells her hair to buy a chain for Jim's watch. Each gives up something they value greatly to buy something the other will cherish.

There are a few things to be gleaned from this story that will help you shop:

• When shopping, try to stay within your means. The memory of Christmas will fade fast when the bills come due in January.
• Don't sacrifice something everyone knows you love to buy presents. You never know when you might be getting that great accessory you've been eyeing.
• Finally, take the time to make sure what you are buying is something the person actually wants or needs. Selling your watch to buy combs for someone who cut off her hair to buy you a watch chain just leads to that awkward moment when you both realize you were left with nothing but worthless junk and your unselfish love for each other. Like anyone really needs that.

^1. And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible.
^2. I refuse to post a spoiler warning for a story from the 19th Century. If I just ruined the story for you, don't blame me, blame your Junior High English teacher for not making you read it like the rest of us.

LA Face with the North Pole Booty?

With incredible apologies to Sir Mix-a-lot and pretty much anyone who reads this, I give you this year's holiday poetry:


I want new toys and I cannot lie,
You other kiddies can't deny,
That when Claus walks in with his big ol' jiggly waist,
And that white beard on his face,
You act good,
Wanna be all nice,
Cause you know he checks that list twice,
Mixed in with toys he's carryin',
Is coal but I'm just not carin',
Hey Santa, I wanna sit with ya,
And take our picture,
My mommy tried to warn me,
That those toys you've got,
(Are for good boys only,)
No Cabbage Patch Kids,
But a Wii to play with my friends,
Well check me, check me, the nice list is where you'd expect me,

So gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme lots of toys,
Santa's Toy Sack

Holiday Writing Contest

After my earlier post about seeing dolphin Christmas decorations, I realized a couple of things. (1) The Christmas dolphin needs a name, and (2) it needs a good story.

A name, I can come up with. I've settled on Boto, the Christmas Dolphin. A story on the other hand...that takes a little more effort. Rather than exerting all that effort myself, I thought perhaps I would turn to the resources that provided such good fiction in the past. That's right, I'm asking all of you to give me a story for Boto the Christmas Dolphin. The contest will work much like the one held last year: You send me your stories here. I will post them and then ask everyone to vote for them.

For more information, check out this site.

Assuming we get plenty of entries, this should be lots of fun. If I don't get enough entries...well, I'll never speak to you again.

By the way, bonus points for anyone who knows where the dolphin's name came from.

Update: Ok, since I didn't nag all of you enough and I didn't get many entries, I'm making this a sticky entry and extending the deadline until Friday December 15th. That's an extra week. Please don't make me decide that I hate you all.

Trivial Tuesday

This actor certainly seems to be involved in all sorts of tragedy. In the 90's he was in a television show in which he and his siblings had to deal with life without their parents who had died in a car accident. Later, he took a role on another show where he survived a tragic plane crash. Now he stars in an upcoming movie where he plays an assistant coach at a university that lost its football team in a plane crash.

Who is this actor and what are the shows/movie I am referring to?

Congrats to Itchy who got the actor and all of the shows. Brag to all your friends, because it's your right for a week.

The Lost Room

Did anybody else see The Lost Room on SciFi last night? It was the first part of a 3 part mini-series. It was crazy. The plot really wouldn't even make a lot of sense if I tried to explain it to you. It would just sound like a bunch of nonsense, but in the show it seemed, if not logical, at least possible. I wish that it was not on 2 hours at a time, because I don't usually stay up watching TV until 11. However, I am glad that it's a not a full series so that I am strung along only for a few days rather than a few years.

Anyway, if you didn't see it, it might be worth firing up the TiVo and finding a repeat of the first part to give this one a shot.

I Don't Really Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

As is often the case at this time of year, Christmas music is everywhere. Much of the music is wonderful, but there are some things that I just don't get. Then there are others that should be completely banned.

In the "don't get it" category is Manheim Steamroller. Nothing but instrumental versions of traditional Christmas songs sped up and enhanced with synthesizers. Somehow this comes across as more annoying to me than enjoyable. It's seems to be the equivalent of listening to all your music as old midi files or low quality ringtones.

On a more extreme note, I cannot find a good reason that the Cyndi Lauper version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" should ever be played again.

The most peculiar thing about the music this season is that I've had "Good King Wenceslaus" stuck in my head for days. I'm not sure where I heard it, and I'm not even too sure I have the words right. The version in my head goes something like this: "La la Wenceslaus la la, La la la la Cleveland. La la Wenceslaus la la, La la Chris van Even." After that it pretty much breaks down into a scene of Tom Hanks being frightened by Dan Aykroyd's driving as they go to rescue the virgin Connie Swail, but that part's probably just me.

Time for Change

I'm finally able to switch over to Blogger Beta. So, if anything goes wrong and I disappear...sorry.

Rockin' Around The Christmas Meme

This was emailed to me by a coworker, and I figured that it would make a nice meme for the blog. So here you go, 18 questions to help us get to know each other around Christmas.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Yes, of course.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? In my family Santa didn't wrap presents, he just put ribbons on them to indicate which of the three kids the presents were for.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? When I was growing up, colored and preferably blinking. Now, white.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Whatever time is convenient after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert): Take your pick: Turkey, Stuffing/Dressing, Green Bean Casserole, pretty much everything.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Waking up to find the presents Santa had placed my color of ribbon on, and then sitting around and watching as everyone takes turns opening gifts.

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? One gift only, but only for the kids. Fortunately, I haven't matured enough to not qualify as a kid anymore.

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? We jokingly call our tree the Hanukkah tree because we decorate it with silver and blue ornaments and white lights.

10. Snow! Love it or Dread it? On Christmas? Sure why not. The rest of the time...I could probably do without it.

11. Can you ice skate? No, but I can fall quite well.

12. Do you remember your favorite gift as a child? Hmm...this is probably a toss up between a Nintendo and a Chemistry set, or maybe that Star Wars transport vehicle...Hmm, video games, Star Wars and science, I started as a nerd pretty early.

13. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? It's all about family...and food.

14. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Ok, this is hard. I don't think I can choose between pumpkin and pecan pie.

15. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Whenever it is time to give out gifts, the young kids get to "play Santa" and distribute all the packages. They always have as much fun being the one to hand gifts to people as they do opening gifts...ok, almost as much.

16. What tops your tree? Santa, who looks more comfortable than he should considering how that tree branch is holding him up.

17. What is your favorite Christmas Song? The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole

18. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum: As long as it's a peppermint one.

Now it's your turn.

Trivial Tuesday

Long ago, before she was a cheerleader who needed to be saved in order to save the world, she was a princess in a movie that was a version of the Seven Samurai...or was it a version of the Three Amigos? I'm talking, of course, about Hayden Panettiere. But what was that movie and who did she play?

Hmm...no one has even guessed yet. Perhaps I should give a hint by clarifying that she was the voice of a princess in that movie, since it was an animated film.

Ok, there's been a request for more hints. Should I say that other voices in the film were provided by Denis Leary, a member of the Kids in the Hall, and Kevin Spacey? If that's not enough, maybe I should make it really easy and say that in that movie she had a conversation where she held a rock and said, "Pretend it's a seed."

Like Deja Vu All Over Again

It was time for an annual check up with the doctor once more, and while I don't typically rerun things I wrote in the past, I figured I might as well in this case. Since my appointment went just about the same as the one from a year ago. Here is a reprint of the transcript from my last visit to her office in September of 2005.

The following is a transcript of my discussion with the physician.

Doc: "So, how's it been going fatty?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Doc: "I said 'How's it going, fatty?' What's wrong? Is the fat clogging your ears too?"

Me: "No I-"

Doc: "Fine. Whatever. How are you doing on your medicines?"

Me: "Good. Everything's good. They work very well and..."

Doc: "Look at that!" Pokes stomach "What's going on here?"

Me: "What? I'm sorry. I know I've gained some weight, but can't you just ease up a little?"

Doc: "How about if you ease up on the Big Macs, tubby."

Me: "Look, I understand I need to lose weight. I just want to get my medicine refilled."

Doc: "Fine. Here's your prescription. Just get out of here. I want to see less of you around here, and I don't mean I want to see you less often."

Me: Runs out sobbing like a little girl.

Rumors...Demise...Greatly Exaggerated...Blah, Blah, Blah

I know, I know. I haven't been around in a while. I was out of town. I came back. I was out of town again. I got back and our internet service wasn't working. In the times when I was here and did have service, I couldn't busy dealing with preparing for and recovering from the repeated road trips. Besides, I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. Some highlights of the time I was away:

• Took two road trips in our new car: (Have I shown you a picture of our car? I haven't, have I? I'll have to find one and post it.) One trip was long, but not awful, the other was way too long (we're talking distance driven, here, not length of time we stayed anywhere.) After a drive down to Alabama and back and then a drive to Wisconsin and back, our car which had 3 miles on it when we got it a month ago now has about 2800 miles on it.
• Got to visit with all sorts of family: We saw my parents, my grandparents, my sister, brother-in-law and three nephews. Plus we got to see my uncle, aunt and two cousins, none of whom I had seen in the past five plus years.
• Went to see my 8 year old nephew play basketball.
• Played some Nerf football and various GameCube games with my nephews: I'm not young enough to compete with them in either of these.
• Ate lots of good food: In addition to the typical Thanksgiving day food, we had barbecue pork and hushpuppies from Greenbrier while in Alabama and Carl's Pizza while in Wisconsin.
• Went to see Casino Royale.
• Read The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood.
• Finished watching season 2.0 of Battlestar Galactica and started season 2.5: One of these days, I'll actually catch up.
• Changed my main ringtone on my cellphone for the holidays: It now plays Christmas in Hollis. This makes me laugh everytime it rings.
• Raced a winter storm from Wisconsin back home: They got a blizzard and we ended up with an ice storm.
• I'm sure there was other stuff, but that's all I can remember right now.

Ok, that's what's been going on with me, how about you?