Even More Useless Than Usual

Would you like some random thoughts that aren't really long enough to be an entire post on their own? Here they are anyway.

It's Spring and everything's blooming. It's a nice time of year, but it did bring up something I've always been curious about. I've never really understood the purpose of the Bradford Pear tree. Sure, it's pretty when it blooms, but it's a pear tree that never actually produces any pears. As if that weren't enough, it is quite possibly one of the foulest smelling plants I can think of. It smells bad enough that if it's stench were to cause people to vomit, it might actually improve the smell. So why would anyone choose to plant this tree instead of other attractive yet not sickening flowering trees?

Whenever I check and empty my spam folder in Gmail, I often wonder if I'm the only person who is so amused that the webclips bar that usually scrolls through news stories displays Spam recipes instead. Is there another food that is so universally maligned as Spam? Sure, people don't like Brussel Sprouts, but we don't use them as a new term for other things we hate. Maybe I'll start a campaign to do something like that. Junk mail will be onion, because just like when you ask for no onions on a burger you think you are off all the mailing lists but there's always that last one or two you can't get rid of. Unwelcome guests could easily be called fish, since Ben Franklin made that comparison long ago, but I'd rather come up with something new. That last guest that will never leave even though you've been trying to hint that you are going to bed, we'll call him cabbage because like the smell he just lingers and won't go away. The boyfriend or girlfriend that you try to get rid of that keeps coming back? Garlic, 'cause it also keeps coming back for a long time. Ok, this isn't nearly as amusing as I thought it would be. Time to move on.

I heard this morning on the news that Vanna White was getting a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Have we gotten to the point where the only thing needed to qualify for a star is to stand around and occasionally flip over a letter? Actually, it's not even that anymore. She hasn't had to flip over letters in at least a decade, because they introduced the new board. Now she walks past and touches each letter as if she's suffering from a severe compulsion to count them all. If this is where we are now, what's it going to be like ten years from now? Will we give a star to anyone who's ever been on a reality TV show? How about people who are famous for being famous? Paris Hilton doesn't have a star yet does she?

Speaking of the celebutante, every time I see an ad for Hilton Hotels I wonder: Do the employees of the chain look up to her as some sort of hero or do they resent her every time they see her in the news? I just have this image of them all hating her because they came to the conclusion that her press coverage is inversely proportional to the value of their retirement fund.

We came home the other day after a really long day, so we just threw ourselves down in front of the TV and watched some old episodes of Family Feud on GSN. It often amazes me to see how just plain dumb (sorry, there's just no nicer way to put it) some of the answers given by contestants are. This episode had some really bad answers. My favorite was when they asked a family "Specifically what things make a woman look masculine?" After a couple of guesses like large muscles and the way she dresses, one member of the family said "Her appearance." Really? Ya think? So her appearance has to do with how she looks? Never would have guessed that. After it was explained that the answer wasn't specific enough since it was really just restating the question, the person gave another incorrect answer and we moved on. Two people later we struggled for an answer again. Suddenly, a light bulb came on over the contestant's head, "Umm....her appearance?"

We went to dinner with some friends a few weekends ago at a chain restaurant that has come up with an interesting solution to having multiple parties waiting for tables. Rather than ask for your name or give you a coaster sized beeper that vibrates and lights up when your table is ready, they give you a card with the name of a celebrity and some trivia about him/her. For example, we were Bruce Willis. When our table was ready, they called for Bruce Willis and we handed them the card they had given us. I'm not sure if it is any better than any other system, but it does lead to some interesting conversation, like the following exchange.

Hostess: Vin Diesel, your table is ready.
Friend: I thought they said these were celebrities.
Me: Too late. I already trotted that joke out when they called for "Dean Cain, party of four".

Until later...