Trivial Tuesday

Today's Category: Pop Culture

I saw an ad for The Perfect Man on TV recently. This movie stars not only Chris Noth, Hillary Duff and Heather Locklear, but also Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Surprisingly, this is not the first movie to star one of "The Fab Five."

Post the name of the movie and the Fab Five member who appeared in the film in the comments section to claim this week's bragging rights.

Update: Congrats to pagan_mystic for knowing that the other member of the Fab 5 who has been in a movie is Jai Rodriguez, who is not only in the upcoming remake of The Producers but was also in The New Guy way back in 2002. Brag away; the rights are yours, at least until someone answers tomorrow's challenge.

Car Windows

Just a brief note to the gentleman driving down the road while I was waiting to cross after picking up Jaspare's Pizza (again), and to anyone else who suffers from the same delusions that he does:

I should explain something to you about cars. The windows of cars are made of glass. Glass is transparent. This means that all of us outside of your car can still see what is going on inside your car. In summary, if you feel an uncontrollable desire to pick your nose, please do it somewhere else. I think I speak for almost everyone when I say that we neither need nor want to see that.

Thank you for your time.


Until later...

Seven Years

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. I sometimes find it hard to believe that we've been married for that long. I find it even harder to believe that MK's managed to put up with me for that long. The thought of spending that much time with me fills me with dread. I can only imagine what it's like for anyone else. Somehow she's managed to deal with all of my insecurities, neuroses and just plain stupidity, and has not yet gone insane or tried to collect on my work-provided life insurance policy.

When it comes to things of actual importance, I can express my thoughts no better on my blog than I can in real life, so I'm left at a loss for how to say what I really mean. Do I say thank you, for what is so far beyond the scope of the normal phrase? Should I say "I love you", when that has become an overused and rarely meant cliche in our society? Maybe the way to say it best is that I hope when it's been fifty years, I'm still here trying just as hard to find a way to say exactly how I feel because there are still no words that mean enough.

I'm still kind of surprised about the life-insurance thing though. Getting money and not having to deal with me anymore: That's the definition of a win-win situation.

Ok, that's about 10 times more of my personal life than I like to have on this blog, so I don't think you have to worry about me becoming too sappy all the time. I'll now return you to your regularly scheduled nerdish ramblings, pop culture references and generalized idiocy.

Until later...

Waiter, There's A Fly In My Soup

Actually, this story has nothing to do with waiters or soup. As I sat at my computer this evening, I was noting the remarkable variety of disturbing things one can find by simply hitting the "Next Blog" button on Blogger. Thirsty, I reached for the bottle of water I had sitting on the desk. The bottle of water I had irresponsibly left uncapped. Unbeknownst to me, a fly had decided to investigate the contents of the bottle only to realize that it had never learned to swim. The saying may be well-known, but I assure you friends that ignorance is not bliss.

I put the bottle to my mouth and took a large drink. Water poured into my mouth, bringing with it something unidentified yet unmistakably solid. As I felt this, instinct took over and all semblance of manners went the way of the dodo, the passenger pigeon and my last remnant of respect for Tom Cruise. My brain thought, "Water is liquid. Ice isn't. True, but the water in that bottle isn't frozen. There's something else in there!", and I turned and spit the water out--onto the carpet but not the computer, manners may have been gone, but I still have priorities. MK, convinced that I had finally taken that last step into insanity, began shouting, "What are you doing?!?!?!?" I replied, as calmly as possible considering the situation (i.e. not at all), that there was something in my water and I didn't know what it was. I looked and discovered the offending insect. Finding the source of my problem did not make me feel any better, but it did send MK into a fit of laughter.

Several minutes and a considerable portion of a bottle of Listerine later, I'm back down at the computer writing this post and only mildly traumatized. MK on the other hand, still hasn't stopped laughing.

Until later...

In Case Your Self-Esteem Is A Little Too High

Here's a wonderful article for all of my readers out there. If you have been thinking a little too highly of yourself recently, this article will certainly help you out. If, on the other hand, you feel like everyone at your work hates you, maybe it can give you some help there too. Either way, you definitely need to know the Top 10 Reasons They Don't Like You at Work.

The article states that if one of the 10 reasons describes you then everyone at your work hates you. Look at reason number one. Now, look at the name of my site. Great!!! What happens if more than one of these reasons applies to you? To be honest, I'm not real comfortable about 5 and 6 either.

Hopefully, this article will be less traumatic for the rest of you.

Until later...

Doe, A Deer. A Female Deer!

As I drove to work yesterday morning, I noticed something odd on the side of the road. Standing just off to the left side of the road were two deer. I made sure to keep an eye on them to ensure that they did not decide cross in front of me. I'd like to say that it was because if I hit and killed a deer I would feel guilty about it, and that's partly true. However, to be completely honest, I was much more concerned with the damage that hitting an full-grown doe would do to my car.

As I continued along, I watched the deer contemplate how best to cross the relatively busy road. (We're talking about Kalamazoo, terms like busy and rush-hour are very relative.) Deer number 1 walked up to the edge of the road, looked around at the cars going 45-50 miles per hour (that's something like 75-80 kph for you metric folks) and decided to run away back to the trees behind it.

Deer number 2 edged closer to the road until it was almost on the pavement. When it saw the cars moving quickly past, rather than running away, it simply froze. It stared down the traffic and didn't move any closer. Of course, it didn't move any farther away either. As I watched deer number 2 contemplate playing a life and death game of Frogger, I thought of the many times a year I see deer dead on the side of the road, and I came to a conclusion.

Deer are stupid.


Until later...

Speaking of Being Stuck at Sea...

Last night was the season finale of Lost. For those of you who haven't seen the final episode yet, didn't watch during the season but plan to watch on DVD, or live in a country where Lost hasn't started yet: Don't read this if you want to stay spoiler-free; there will be plenty of spoilers in this post. If you don't watch the show and don't plan to, feel free to read, but realize that you'll probably grow bored with me even more quickly than normal. And if you watched the season finale of American Idol instead of Lost, please seek psychiatric help immediately.

Recap:
The show focused on three major areas on the island (or close to the island): 1) The Hatch 2) TurnipHead and 3) The Raft.

1) The Hatch

Jack, Locke, Kate, Hurley and Arzt/Artz had been lead into the Dark Territory by Danielle to find the Black Rock and the dynamite stored inside. Danielle immediately and rather suspiciously deserted them as soon as they found the boat, but not before delivering one of the best lines of the season. When Hurley questioned how a pirate ship ended up several miles inland, Danielle replied, "Are you living on the same island I am?" Even the crazy lady knows this place is messed up.

The Lostaways retrieved the dynamite only to have the know-it-all Redshirt, Arzt blow himself up while explaining how to properly handle the explosives.

The monster (or something) attacked Locke and dragged him to a hole. While everyone else tried to free him, Locke begged them to let him go, insisting that he would be fine. They refused and tossed some dynamite down the hole instead.

After preparing to blow up the hatch, Jack pointed out to Kate that Locke was nuts and would potentially be a problem in the future.

Just before the hath was blown, Hurley noticed The Numbers on the side. He freaked and insisted that blowing up the hatch was a bad idea. Rather than trying to figure out why one of his companions was suddenly hysterical, Locke lit the fuse and blew the door to the hatch.

Finally, we see what is inside the hatch, and it is...a very, very, very long ladder leading down to a point where we can no longer see.

2) TurnipHead

Everyone is preparing to go to the caves as a temporary hiding place from the others until the hatch is opened.

Claire is trying to pack, but is panicked because she has a new baby and is still convinced that someone other than the dingos is going to take her baby.

Charlie begs Sayid for one of the guns to protect Claire and the as yet unnamed TurnipHead, but Sayid refuses on the grounds that the last time he touched a gun, Charlie emptied a clip into the only person who might be able to give them useful information.

Once Sayid has left to help others move toward the caves, Danielle shows up frantically asking Charlie and Claire to find him. When Charlie runs off to find Sayid, Claire sees scratches on Danielle's arm and has a brief flashback to a time around her kidnapping when she gave Danielle those scratches.

The next time we see Claire she is bleeding from a head wound and sans TH. It appears the French Chick is even more of a nut job than we realized.

Sayid and Charlie get guns and prepare to go after Danielle. Claire begs to go with them, but they refuse. She then begs Charlie to bring Aaron back...and thus TurnipHead was named.

As they chase Danielle, wouldn't you just know that Sayid and everyone's favorite heroin-addicted Catholic hobbit come across the plane containing a heroin conveniently packaged inside of statues of the Virgin. Who could resist the siren's song of drugs prepackaged with guilt? Apparently not Charlie.

They reach the origin of the black smoke (the sign that the "Others" are coming), but find the area deserted. Danielle and the baby are there as well, and she is distraught to find that the Others were not there. It seems that in her complete insanity, she decided it would be a good idea to try to trade them a new baby for the one they stole from her 16 (or so) years ago. She was convinced they would be there because she heard them whispering that they were going to take the boy. 'Cause, you know there's only one of those on the island...D'Oh!!

3) The Raft

Michael, Walt, Jin and Sawyer float along out to sea as if they actually have some reasonable chance of ever being found. As they travel, Sawyer reads all of the messages put into the bottle for families back home. One woman misses her family even though Sawyer knows she spends her island nights with Scott, or is it Steve? He is particularly perplexed when he comes upon a message from Hugo that says he's leaving 160 million dollars to his mom. If only Sawyer were privy to the flashbacks the rest of us see.

The rudder of the makeshift raft detaches and Sawyer leaps into the water to retrieve it. After a few tense moments, he manages to grab it and return to the boat. When is back onboard, Michael hands him his shirt and makes it apparent that he saw the gun Sawyer was given by Jack, "just in case." I'm not sure if he was angry, or if he understood and just didn't want the boy to see.

Michael and Jin have a conversation about the hooked on phonics program Sun developed for Jin. It seems he has learned to say several nautical terms and "eat." At least he has the basics.

Michael and Sawyer talk about child rearing tactics, and Sawyer reveals that his father shot himself when Sawyer was eight. Michael asks if that is why he wants to die, because the only reason to be on the raft was because he wanted to be a hero or he wanted to die. "I sure ain't no hero."

Turning the radar on one more time, the Craphole Island ex-pats find that they are picking up something. After arguing about whether to fire the one flare, they shoot it off and see the blip on the radar approach.

It's a ship! They're saved! Or not. The occupants of the boat, who seem to be going for a Gorton's fisherman meets Deliverance kind of thing, declare that they want Walt. Sawyer pulls the gun, but gets shot first. Jin and Michael are knocked into the water, and the Walt-nappers (the Others, I am assuming) escape with the kid, but not before tossing a homemade bomb onto the raft, leaving Michael, Jin and Sawyer (assuming he's not dead or attracting sharks with his blood) 15 miles away from the island with all summer to think about what they've done.

Thoughts and Theories:

Did we receive as many answers as I would have liked? No, not at all. Was I happy anyway? Absolutely. I felt that the episode was a great finale that help us understand more things about what was going on without revealing the big mysteries. We understand more about Danielle than ever before. We have seen the Others. We know that the hatch actually can be opened, leads somewhere and isn't a giant septic tank (which was my personal pet theory). Most importantly, we know that Arzt is explosive.

Then we were left with several new questions: Were those people the Others? (I think so.) Where were they taking Walt? (Safety? Disneyland? To use his special powers for evil? For other "let's try not to think about that" purposes?) Was that a woman on that boat? If so, could it be Alex, stolen daughter of insanity? (Yep to the first, and it wouldn't surprise me to the second.) Was Danielle involved in kidnapping Claire earlier or was she trying to help her escape? (The jury is still out on this one in my mind. I'm going with helping to escape because of the next question.) If she was involved, who was Ethan? (I'll file him under Other for now.) Is Ethan dating Katie Holmes' cousin? Where does the ladder lead? (To the control room for the monster. Or perhaps to the Others' living quarters) Was it a reference to Pandora's Box when Locke said that what he thought was in the hatch was "hope" or was that just Lockespeak again? (Probably Lockespeak.) Is Sawyer dead? (I doubt it. He's the anti-Jack. We need both.) What about Michael and Jin? (Probably hanging on to some wreckage 15 miles out.) How did the Others know about the raft and that Walt would be on it? (Somebody told them.) Does the monster sound and act almost mechanical? (It sounds that way to me. It looks that way to me. But then what does that mean is going on.)

Share your own thoughts and theories in the comments.

Finally if anyone from ABC happens to be reading (don't worry I'm not having delusions of grandeur, I can barely handle delusions of mediocrity): Please run all the episodes consecutively next year. I hate the multiple breaks in the season.

Until later...

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