The Fount of Useless Information Overanalyzes Lyrics

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is an Academy Award winning song written by Frank Loesser and often played around Christmas time. I think the time has come to examine these lyrics a little closer and see just what we can find.

For those of you not familiar with the song, it is a duet sung by a woman who wants to go home and a man, who is trying to convince her that she should stay.

As the song progresses, she continues to say that she should leave:

"I really can't stay
I've got to go away
This evening has been
So very nice
My mother will start to worry
My father will be pacing the floor
So really I'd better scurry"

With each of her lines, the man answers imploring that she stay. But look at the tactics he uses. A few of his better lines:

"Baby it's cold outside"

"Beautiful, please don't hurry"

"No cabs to be had out there"

"What's the sense in hurting my pride
Baby don't hold out"

Sensing that she was not amenable to fear of weather, flattery or inability to travel, he progresses to pity.

"How can you do this thing to me
Making my life long sorrow
If you caught pneumonia and died"

Finally, realizing that pity is not working, he shifts to using guilt to get his way.

But the real kicker is in these two lines (this time written with both parts).

"The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there"

Umm...yeah. It's called Rohypnol or, in popular parlance, a Roofie.

That's right, it may be played at Christmas time, but it's not so much a Christmas song as it is a date rape song. And with that I will leave you to never hear the song the same way again.