On The Lot: Does Anyone Else See the Irony in Having One's Film Criticized by Michael Bay?

This week, only 5 people screened their films. I'm not sure that I really loved any of the efforts this week, but overall I felt that the two women in this week's group of five did better than the others.

Sam, who made the clever "Replication Theory" last week, started things off a guy dropping a ring into the toilet. The problem is that no matter what happened, I didn't care about him. The whole thing felt like a joke that just wouldn't end. Carrie talks with her hands and struggles to get the words out to praise him. Oh no. I'm agreeing with Michael Bay. Am I on crack or is he actually making sense? Garry Marshall wants Sam to make a film that doesn't make him want to go to the bathroom. Garry, at your age, that's probably your prostate, not his films.

Second was Trevor's film, "Teri" about a guy waiting for his blind date. When it ended I said, "Well, that was kind of cute-ish" immediately followed by Carrie Fischer giving echoing my sentiments. Michael Bay criticizes some of the visuals, flips his hair a few times and poses for the camera. Garry talks about liking Trevor's film from last week and then begins talking about what it was like making films when he was a little boy in Ancient Rome.

Third is Hilary, who has nowhere to go but up from last week's smelly pee film. That film was horrifying, but in a good, funny way. Very well written, but not so wonderfully shot. Carrie praises Hilary's writing, but wants her to work on how she shoots things and not make things so claustrophobic. Michael Bay says it didn't work, and Melissa points out that you can tell he really loves himself just by watching him. Garry praises her writing as well, then says "back up" and accuses her of making a cell phone video.

Fourth is "Dough: The Musical" from Adam. Some of the lyrics were clever and the transition where the baker threw flour was very nice, but I didn't like it at all. Is it just because I'm being overly critical since it's a musical? (Watching it again, it still doesn't do much for me because it's a musical, but there are some really nice visuals in there.) Carrie loves it. Michael Bay asks himself to go backstage and make out. Garry doesn't like that the main actor was looking at the back of the actress's head at the end.

The final film is from Shalini. The pseudo-documentary style and subject aren't what I would pick, but she obviously knows how to shoot things because it looks wonderful. Not only does it look great, but she gets the actor to be just reach out and grab the audience right away. Very well made. Carrie talks about her likes and dislikes in that film. Meanwhile, she seems to be reciting the Gettysburg Address in sign language. Michael Bay (and yes, he must be referred to with both names) likes it, and I begin to have seizures from realizing that I have agreed with him multiple times tonight. Garry says "Incoherent. My sister Penny. Incoherent. Women filmmakers. My sister Penny. Incoherent. Thank you."

As I said at the beginning, I'm not sure I have strong feelings on who I really liked and who I really didn't like. If I had to pick, I'd say that Trevor's film was the weakest (and last week's film doesn't help) and that he should be the one to go home. If I had to guess, however, I'd say that the one going home might end up being Shalini. I guess we'll find out in a week.