Throughout history, mankind has asked one question more than any other: "Why am I here?" We need a sense of purpose to feel fulfilled; we need to feel as if we are part of something larger. Individuals have come up with their own answers, but never has a single event or a single theme been able to unite us all.
That, my friends, is about to change. All of modern technology has been building to this, the pinnacle of this or any other civilization. Yes, I speak of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
Why are we on this planet? So that this can be made and so that we can watch it.
I know it's difficult to wrap your mind around this if you are just learning of it, but let's consider just a few of the glorious things we see in this trailer.
1. Lorenzo Lamas
2.
3. Not just a shark, a Mega Shark
4. Giant Octopus
5. Mega Shark and Giant Octopus fighting each other
6. The octopus is so giant that it destroys an oil rig
7. And slaps a fighter jet out of the air
8. The shark is so mega that it attacks what appears to be a battleship*
9. And the Golden Gate Bridge**
10. And a commercial airliner--in flight
11. One or both of them appear to destroy a submarine
12. Something is making the smoke monster sound from Lost
The movie comes straight to DVD later this month and it may or may not*** be at the top of my Netflix queue waiting for the release date.
*I can only hope this leads to a "It sank our battleship!" line in the actual movie. Movies this bad need lines that awful.
**The bridge, people! It jumps up to take a bite out of the bridge. Can sharks in any other movie do that? No, they aren't Mega enough.
***Oh yeah, it is.
4 comments:
I, erm, have a feeling that yes, yes I will watch this. I am one of the people that actually saw Snakes On A Plane in the theatre. Yeah. That's me...
Also? When Giant Octopus swatted the figther jet out of the sky? I may have said "Woah!!" Maybe. I'll admit nothing.
But they couldn't come up with better names that Giant Octopus and Mega Shark? That was the best they could do? A movie that cheesy should have people on board that would have awesomely bad names for a giant octopus and a mega shark. People who aren't me, since I have no suggestions....
This comment could ultimately end up being 12 pages long, and, although that would be oddly karmic, I'll spare you.
Years back, I got all excited about a movie called Vampires Vs. Zombies for all the reasons you'd expect. In the end, the movie was ultimately as disappointing as the $5 large pizza from Little Caesars that I ate with it. With that in mind, am I going to watch this movie? Of course. If I can, I'll go ahead and watch it with Andrea up there.
Let's talk about it. You're driving on a bridge. Then a shark that's as big as the bridge (despite the fact that there's not likely enough water there to sustain it) jumps up to take a bite. Do you die immediately from fright? Do you turn to the person on your right and give them a high five because you're dying in a truly acceptable manner? Do you cautiously choose "fuck yeah, woo!" as your last words? I need to see this movie and have these discussions.
OMG... your enthusiasm alone makes me want to watch this!
I actually watched this the other night. No, really!
Best part is that I knew nothing of the (ahem) plotline, and totally called the shark taking out the commercial airliner.
It's actually far worse than you can imagine.
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