Trivial Tuesday

Let's test your recall of the 1980's.

George Michael is in trouble again. This time he was found slumped over the wheel of his car and in possesion of "class C drugs." I'm not really interested in his legal troubles, however. What I am interested in is his early music career. Sure, you know the songs from his solo career and you know his songs from when he was in Wham, but that's far too easy. After all, Wham was really a group made up of George Michael and the other guy, much like Miami Vice was Don Johnson and that guy that played Tubbs.

So, who was that other guy that wasn't George Michael? And for a bonus, who was that other guy in Miami Vice?

Ah, what's a game without rules? Anarchy, that's what.

Be quick, because this isn't question shouldn't be too hard for those old enough to have worn their shirts with the collar turned up or to have worn jelly shoes.

Update: Well, the answer to the bonus question (Phillip Michael Thomas) came pretty quickly then Invisible Lizard came through with the main answer of Andrew Ridgeley as the other half of Wham.

A Madness To Our Method

Not too long ago, we bought a new dishwashing soap. The soap was Method Cucumber Melon. We found it in the store and smelled to determine if we liked it. The smell was pleasant, so we decided to give it a try. Sadly things didn't end quite as well as they begin. A few comments to take you through the progression of a new scent wearing out its welcome.

"I like this new soap. I could do dishes all the time."

"You know, I like the soap, but after a while, it becomes almost overwhelming."

"I could tell you were washing dishes from the other side of the house. The stupid cucumber melon scent was permeating the entire house."

"My water tastes like Method. The cup must not have been rinsed well enough."

"I tried soaking the cup in hot water and rinsing it repeatedly to get rid of the Method, but I only succeeded in making it angry."

"That's it. I'm through with this soap and we're going to have to throw away everything plastic that ever came in contact with it."

"Ooh. Method has a grapefruit scent."

Until later...

I've Got 99 Problems, But A List Ain't One

I've come to realize that I'm one of the few bloggers who has not yet done the quasi-obligatory 100 Things About Me list. So, without further ado, more information than you will ever need to know about me.

1. This list is going to take me forever. (I first started working on it January 26th, and I'm finally finished on February 26th.)
2. I grew up in the South.
3. And the Southwest.
4. People are often surprised that I grew up in the South, because I don't really have a southern accent.
5. I am left handed.
6. Despite all the evidence to the contrary on this blog, I'm actually fairly shy and quiet.
7. Until I get to know you, and I'm comfortable around you. Then you'll be lucky to get a word in edgewise.
8. My biggest fear is that I'm not good enough.
9. The "for ___" part doesn't matter.
10. I no longer have a gall bladder.
11. I broke my left arm in ninth grade.
12. I damaged my knee after my junior year in high school and had to have surgery to repair it.
13. I haven't severely injured myself in any way since then.
14. Just like my father, you can send me to the store for milk and bread and I might or might not remember to get them, but I won't forget the ice cream.
15. I enjoy having this blog, because it is almost the only creative outlet I have.
16. But sometimes, I feel overwhelmed when I can't think of anything to post for a couple of days, and I think about quitting.
17. I'm secretly afraid you are all making fun of me.
18. I love movies, talking about movies, quoting movies and dreaming that I could one day create a movie.
19. I love to eat, and because I like to know all about the things I enjoy, I like to cook.
20. I really prefer baking to cooking, though, because cooking is more art and baking is more science.
21. I love chocolate, but I tend to drive other people insane when I start rambling on about the technical details of it.
22. I can easily become a bit too zealous and overcommit myself.
23. I have some of the world's worst handwriting.
24. I stink at keeping in touch with people. I'm not even good with remembering to call my own family.
25. Knowing this about myself made it very hard for me recently when a good friend moved away.
26. I love playing board games.
27. I'm not competitive enough to care if I win.
28. I do care if I'm not any good, though.
29. This is by far the most personal post I've ever done.
30. And I don't like that.
31. I'm about 6'3".
32. I have a hard time finding clothing because it is not often made for people of my proportions.
33. I have to search or I'll end up with shirtsleeves that end well above my wrist.
34. I'm very picky about my button-up shirts.
35. I will not wear short-sleeved button-up dress shirts even when it's 90+ degrees outside.
36. I also wear broadcloth shirts almost exclusively, because the weave of Oxford shirts really bothers me.
37. I have an even harder time finding shoes.
38. My feet are big, but I have narrow heels.
39. When I buy athletic shoes, I have to buy size 15.
40. I could never grow a beard.
41. Even if I wanted to, I can never get growth beyond the Don Johnson Miami Vice stubble.
42. That look doesn't work for me; I just look like a slob.
43. When I accidentally got my hair cut too short, I looked like Bobby Hill.
44. This has happened three times.
45. One of these involved "repairing" a horrible haircut I received from a supposed professional, the other two were at home and involved the word "oops."
46. I have degrees from New Mexico State University and the University of Illinois.
47. I am obsessive-compulsive, but you probably knew that from my tag line and from many of the items on this list.
48. I love to play video games. I may be almost 30, but I enjoy playing games on my computer and PS2.
49. The Civilization and Age of Empires games are probably the best that I've ever played.
50. Then again, there is also the EA Sports line of games.
51. I would love to be on Jeopardy.
52. But I'd probably humiliate myself.
53. Maybe instead of being a contestant I'd rather take over Alex Trebeck's job.
54. I also always wanted to be on Win Ben Stein's Money.
55. But I would have ended up wearing the dunce hat they put on the people who phrase the answer in the form of a question.
56. This list is all out of order and it really bothers me that it's not organized properly.
57. But I'm writing things as they come to mind, so I'll probably leave it.
58. I'll actually leave it because I'm lazy.
59. I have two siblings, both sisters.
60. They are both older than me.
61. Yes, that makes me the baby of the family. Feel free to make whatever jokes you wish now.
62. Since my sisters are both older than me, and also considerably more mature and adult-like I have 6 nieces/nephews (2 and 4, respectively).
63. I have been an uncle since I was 12.
64. This means that when I hear the ages of certain children of siblings, I feel very old.
65. I once owned a pair of Converse All-Stars that were a nice bright blue.
66. Turquoise, actually.
67. Shut up, it was the eighties.
68. The laces were fat and day-glo.
69. Now that I think about it, I think they weren't really Converse, but a store brand replica. I'm really not sure, though.
70. I was about 8. What do want from me?
71. I was once told by a doctor that I have really narrow ear canals.
72. I'm still not sure if I was being insulted, complimented or if she was just making an observation.
73. I work for a gigantic, publicly traded company.
74. I'm tired of being bought and sold like a side of beef.
75. The benefits do help make up for it, though.
76. On top of my monitor at work, I have a Homies figurine.
77. It's figurine of Death (actually La Muerte).
78. I keep him there to boost morale.
79. I got it from a vending machine at the train station.
80. I have owned 4 cars in my life.
81. I never thought I would, but I once owned purple car.
82. In other car related things I didn't ever think I'd have, I currently drive a car with a personalized license plate.
83. The plate might as well be a giant sign that says, "Nerd on Board."
84. I am a Libra.
85. I am a dragon.
86. I have been married since 1998.
87. I live in the Kalamazoo, Michigan area.
88. I wasn't really sure that Kalamazoo was an actual place until I came here for a job interview.
89. I hate trying to explain my job to people.
90. They just look at me like I'm sort of idiot and wonder why its necessary.
91. I'm very displeased with the shape I am in currently.
92. I need to lose a lot of weight.
93. I actually lost quite a bit of weight a couple years ago, but I have since put most if not all of it back on.
94. I've learned that self-loathing only works as motivation for losing weight once.
95. The second time, it just makes me lose all motivation and feel like I might as well bulk up to 400 pounds.
96. I could eat a lot of ice cream to get up to 400.
97. And barbecue. (I am from the South remember)
98. I use the initials CK for this blog, but despite what certain people have decided, I am neither Calvin Klein nor Craig Kilborn. (But I did like The Daily Show more when Craig Kilborn was the host.)
99. Since we're on the subject of TV and I'm having a hard time get these list finished: Some of my favorite TV shows are Iron Chef, Lost, The Simpsons, Mythbusters and Good Eats.
100. If you're having blog problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems, but a list ain't one. (...anymore)

One Bad Apple Don't Spoil The Whole Bunch, Girl

As I pawed through the produce at the grocery store the other day, this Jackson 5 song popped into my head. It occurred to me just how horribly inaccurate the song actually is.

Once I stopped to think about it, I realized that one bad apple may not actually spoil the whole bunch, but it's not so good either. Randomly choosing one apple and finding it to be unacceptable is fairly indicative of improper storage conditions or inferior produce. This implies that perhaps the whole bunch should at least considered be suspect, if not rejected outright.

After further thought (and further perusal of the subpar produce), I had a second problem with the song. Given sufficient time, one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch. Try it sometime. Take a piece of fruit that is rotting, covered in mold or otherwise no longer ok. Place the bad fruit into a container with other acceptable fruit. Watch as they all become mushy, inedible masses. One bad apple did spoil the whole bunch.

Finally I decided that perhaps I spend a little too much time thinking about these things, and I should stop. So, I picked the best oranges I could find (yeah, this whole thing wasn't even about apples) and moved on to frozen foods section so I could pick out the ice cream.

Until later...

Advance Praise for The Fount of Useless Information

"If he had any less talent, he'd be my next husband." Britney Spears, former recording star

“With The Fount of Useless Information, CK manages to successfully pass himself off as the wittiest and most perceptive man in the world.” David Sedaris, author of Me Talk Pretty One Day

"Surpasses The Da Vinci Code in almost every aspect." Denver Post

"It's not even all that funny when I'm high, and when I'm high even that new Freddie Prinze, Jr. show is funny." Dave Chapelle

"A ponderous, many-layered blog that is exquisitely versed in the art of stalling." New York Times

"It's the greatest thing I've ever read. But then, we all know not to believe a word I say." James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces

Note: all reviews completely made up or stolen from reviews of various books. No celebrities endorse this blog or even read it. If you really needed this disclaimer, you can find more information here.

Trivial Tuesday

I'm too lazy to spend much time thinking of a question, so this will probably be pretty easy.

In 1999, Rosa Parks sued a hip-hop group for using her name as the title of a song without permission. The suit was eventually dismissed only to be refiled in 2004 and settled out of court in early 2005. Who was this Atlanta-based duo?

Ready, set, answer...

Update: Congrats to Maine, who knew that the answer was Outkast.

Hard Knock Life

Dear Kitchen Cabinets,

You really are quite useful. We put things in you, and you are nice enough to hold them until we need them again. I can even trust you with my precious supply of chocolate and know that you won't eat it before I need to cook with it. You do a lot of good things, and that's why it's so hard for me to say this, but it has to be said.

Could you please be closed? I know most people can walk right under you, so it usually doesn't matter if your doors are wide open. Unfortunately, the corners of your doors happen to be pretty much at head level for me. When I walk into the kitchen, I am often blindsided by a door and end up staggering around, checking to see if there is blood pouring from my scalp. While I'm sure it doesn't exactly feel great for you either, it really is quite painful for me. If you could do your best to keep your doors shut in the future, your efforts would be greatly appreciated.

Remember, it's all fun and games until somebody has to go to the ER with a closed head injury.

Thanks for your time,

The unconscious guy on the floor